Lady Gaga's Beauty Regimen is Somewhat Horrifying

Beauty editors are clutching their pearls.
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Michelle Villett
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Beauty editors are clutching their pearls.
Lady Gaga before and after: Grammy Awards, 2010

Lady Gaga's idea of "beauty" may already horrify you. (Yellow/pink/purple hair, lightening-bolt eye makeup, a hat made out of meat [to match the dress] ... the examples are too numerous to count.)

But that's okay. The music biz is not about real life, and pushing the boundaries is par for the course. She just takes it that little bit further than the Rihannas and Katy Perrys.

Non, what I take issue with are her actual beauty TIPS—revealed in the next issue of People, and now being praised with such adjectives as "normal," "refreshing" and "regular-girl."

I may not be a "regular girl" (unless regular girls own 627 lipsticks) but I sure HOPE these beauty practices are not mainstream. If they are, then clearly I have a lot more work to do, don't I?

Let's discuss.

Gaga Grooming No-No #1: Bleaching your hair... again and again and again

This is Gaga's natural colour:

Stefani-Germanotta-Lady-Gaga

And, well, lifting it to this level is not small potatoes.

Lady-Gaga-hair

Not to say that you can't, or shouldn't. But when you U R DOIN IT WRONG, it falls out. Oh yes:

"Gaga says she misses her brown hair because the bleach is so damaging to her hair: she has to 'get a chemical haircut because my blonde hair is falling out.'"

Now, my understanding of what a "chemical haircut" is must be different from Gaga's. Because it's definitely not something you willingly "get." (It happens when the hair is so damaged that it snaps right off.) This is why wigs were invented for people who like to have a new hair colour every month.

And this is why I implore Gaga (and maybe you too) to please abide by these rules:

1. Dramatic colour changes (i.e. differences of more than a few levels, such as from brunette to platinum blonde or vice versa) should be done at the salon, not at home.

2. No matter who is doing your hair, if it's a permanent colour, you really just want to touch up the roots only. PLEASE make sure not to run it through the lengths of your hair more than once every six months or so. (This tip courtesy of celebrity colourist and new girl crush Marie Robinson, who will be starring in an exclusive BEAUTY EDITOR vid real soon—she's a new spokesperson for Clairol. Her hair is naturally "salt and pepper," but dyed as blonde as Gaga's  and in incredible condition.)

3. Demi-permanent colour can be safely used all over about once a month, since it only penetrates the hair cuticle just slightly and fades after about 28 shampoos. (And semis don't penetrate at all—they wash out after six.) Both types won't lift colour though—they're more about changing the tone.

kerastase-chronologiste-300x199

4. PLEASE masque up and use colour-protective hair prodz. It will help tame the damage and your colour will stay true for longer. The big daddy of all hair treatments is Chronologiste from Kérastase, which I reviewed here—I just had my hair coloured using another brand's prodz, and this was the one exception where they deviated from the line. It's that good.

5. Try not to blow-dry or use heat stylers at all, if possible.

Seriously, I bet if Gaga did all of these things, her hair would NOT be falling out.

Gaga Grooming No-No #2: Sleeping with makeup on

Let's just SAY you felt like wearing this much makeup.

Lady-Gaga-pink-eyeshadow

Wouldn't it drive you crazy to leave it on—smearing all over your sheets and seeping into your pores—overnight? Again, not in Gaga's case:

"Though her mother taught her to wash her face with Ivory soap, Gaga admits she goes to bed every night with her makeup on! 'That is not good for your skin, but I’m blessed with good genes.'"

Sorry, but good genes or not, this isn't a good idea.

1. Even if you are one of those people who could plunge headfirst into a vat of oil, eat a steady diet of grease, salt and sugar and smoke like a chimney—and yet never break out—not washing your face before bed is just inviting trouble. (Also? I hate you. Just kidding.) You're suffocating it, so over time, it's just not going to be as fresh and glowy. More like dull and waxy.

2. For the rest of us, it's a recipe for clogged pores, breakouts and bacteria-laden skin. Ewww...

3. Even if you don't break out, you still don't want to have all of that dirt and oil and makeup sitting there on top of your skin because your skin does most of its repair work at night. Surely you want to do all you can to help that along, yes? Well, removing makeup (and also exfoliating) allows for maximum penetration of all the hydrating and other skin-beautifying ingredients in your topical products. They're not nearly as effective if you're just applying them in the a.m.

3. At the very least, use a cleansing wipe. (Keep a pack on your bedside table if you have a lot of late nights.) I'm in love with these puppies from Yes to Blueberries:

Yes-to-Blueberries-Facial-Towelettes

Got all that, Gaga?

The one Gaga grooming tip to actually follow

Lady-Gaga-sunglasses

Surprise! It's wearing sunscreen—and all beauty editors most definitely approve.

"She carries sunblock around with her, and practices safe sun habits: 'I don’t like to tan my face because it’s bad for wrinkles.'”

Word.

Plus! Bonus sunscreen tips (from someone who has JUST wrapped a magazine story on sun care):

1. They ALL only last for two hours, max—yep, even if they're SPF 40 million. (Just kidding. The highest is SPF 110 but you get diminishing returns in terms of protection after SPF 30, so I suggest not bothering with anything higher than that.)

La-Roche-Posay-Anthelios-40-Sunscreen-Cream

2. The chemical ones need to go on bare skin (i.e. before moisturizer) because they work by being ABSORBED into the body. It's not proven that this means they're harmful or cancer-causing, etc., but if that grosses you out, use a physical block... but they need to go on LAST. As in, after your moisturizer... and even as the last step in your makeup, if you can do that too (such as with a mineral SPF powder).

3. SPF makeup is a great way to get around the (totally unrealistic) advice dermatologists always spout about messing up your makeup by reapplying a goopy, greasy white sunscreen every two hours. Like we're gonna do THAT. Invest in foundation or powder with built-in SPF and it won't be nearly as annoying to slick more on before you head out at lunchtime or for your walk home.

So tell me:

What do you think of Lady Gaga's beauty habits?
Fess up—are you guilty of any of these yourself? (I won't judge.)
Do you wear sunscreen every day? If not, why not?