This week kicked off with one of the beauty highlights of the year, the Golden Globe Awards. Not everyone felt my Zooey love, or that Michelle Williams' headband was appropriate on someone well out of her tweens... but I think we all came together on the sentiment that Claire Danes really needs better people. I mean, come on—they couldn't hand the girl some blotting sheets before going up there?
Anyway! Lots of other beauty goings-on that we should probably discuss. I wanna talk about what Snooki looks like without makeup; a new way to "enhance" your ladybits; celebrity doubles; my brow makeover; and how my vanity makes me work harder for YOU.
Guys! Snooki is actually really pretty.
You know, underneath all that... stuff. She Tweeted this pic earlier this week:
I'm in shock. Girl looks better without makeup than I do! (As I mentioned here, I'm one of those unfortunate people who require a bit of concealer, blush and mascara at all times.) I just don't understand... if Snooks looks this great naturally, whyyyyyyy cover it up with the fake tan/lashes/glitter/goop?
Fox fur is the new Vajazzling.
Remember when Vajazzling your vagine was all the rage? Or at least something we made fun of? Then, actually, there was the Vattoo. And the Vajacial. (I'll leave you to this post if you need deets on those non beauty editor-endorsed services.)
Anyway, the newest treatment for down below may not have a catchy V-name, but it involves fox fur...
...and costs $225 for your esthetician to adhere it to your ladyparts post-waxing. (They can also do feathers.) Apparently it's all-natural, but it only lasts for three days.
Jennifer Love Hewitt will be all over it.
Paris Hilton's makeup artist gave me a brow makeover.
Speaking of esthetic services, this week I got the BEST brows of my life. And actually, no hairs were even plucked/tweezed/waxed etc. It was all done with brow pencils—and the skilled hands of DeeDee Marcelli, an L.A.-based makeup artist and brow expert who was in Toronto representing Chella. Chella's a new brow- and lash-focused line at The Bay and they have some awesome prodz which I will elaborate on in a future post and video. (**Dying** to try the non-clamping heated lash curler.)
Anyway, DeeDee's worked with ton of celebs, including Paris Hilton, Celine Dion, Tom Cruise and Nancy Reagan. Crazy, right? Still, I'm always a little apprehensive when someone wants to fill in my brows—definitely scarred by the time some random brand wanted to demonstrate their new brow stencils on me and filled them in BLACK. I had to run to the bathroom and scrub them off because I looked like a crazy Jack Nicholson lady.
But what DeeDee gave me? So lovely. She used this:
In auburn! Have you ever heard of an auburn brow pencil? Me neither. But that's why it looked so awesome; she used a combo of the auburn and a blonde to replicate my hair colour exactly (instead of the ashy taupe that most lines offer). It made a huge difference. I also learned that my brows are a little uneven, and how I can fill one side in to make them more symmetrical... but stupidly, I forgot to take a pic. Bad beauty blogger. But I suggest, if your hair has any sort of red in it, that you run—do not walk—to go check out this line.
Is your celebrity double comparison somewhat offensive?
I was reading this article on Allure.com today about celebrity doubles—I've ALWAYS sworn that everyone has one—and how sometimes it's not too flattering.
Probably the best one ever is Katy Perry/Zooey Deschanel; I mean, how could anyone be offended by that? But I have a friend, and she is seriously super cute, who always gets Tori Spelling. Wouldn't that ruin your night too?
Anyway, it was funny that I came across that story, because my Nicole Kidman comparisons were seriously at an all-time high this week for some reason. (Like, I got it three or four times in ONE DAY.) And you know, I'm not asking for sympathy comments or anything, but it's a little depressing when your celebrity double is so wonky-looking:
I just say.
Narcissism makes for a better beauty editor. Servicey!
You guys know I always joke about how vain and superficial I am, but I'm telling you—it's not only part of the job, it's what makes me GOOD at this job.
And other beauty editors agree. Like Cat from xojane.com. (Do you read her blog? You should. I'll be the first to admit that beauty writing can be painfully boring—including many articles I've written myself!—and because I'm immersed in it 24/7, it usually feels like "work" to read other beauty writers. But Cat's stuff? Over-sharey, yes, but refreshingly lacking that thin veil of seriousness that drives me mental with the beauty biz. Which is what I try my best to do here as well, obviously! Just promise that you'll stay and still read me too, 'kay?)
Anyway, just to give you a bit of insight into the "beauty editor mind," you have to read the passage I identified with:
"So as a veteran beauty editor, I believe that everyone could be better looking. EVERYONE. [...] So I am shallow and looks-obsessed basically to the point of legitimate mental and emotional impairment. The good news is, you’re probably not as obsessively vain as I am, so this idea I've brought to your attention -- that you always, always could be better looking than you are now -- won’t distress you as much as, day in and day out, it tortures a narcissistic, insecure control freak. Like me. [...] On the bright side, these types of personality really do make the best beauty editors."
It's true! Good or bad (probably bad), I really do live and breathe this stuff. Although unlike Cat, I don't think I'm down with encouraging people to have lip injections, which was the conclusion of that article. Although I do like this line: "I did get them free (but I get everything for free and always have, so it doesn't influence my reviews ever at this point...." Another beauty editor truism. You can trust us, because we all have enough of a product stash to last 'til 2022.
Are you blown away by Snooki sans makeup?
Who is your celebrity double?
Is my narcissism rubbing off on you?