While my own beauty choices are becoming increasingly (maybe even disturbingly, considering my line of work) classic and boring (I guess that’s what 6+ years in this industry will do to you), I love a good beauty freak show as much as the next person. And I don’t know what happened this year in Milan, but the designers did NOT disappoint. You know, if things like orange eyebrows, or wearing four or more contrasting shades of shimmery eyeshadow all at one time, are important to you.
I’ll let you take a look only on the condition that you promise me you’ll never, ever try these at home. I mean, this stuff is a World of No. And they’re not even obscure designers—I’m talking Prada, Fendi, Versace…. Luckily, there were a couple of houses (Gucci only gets a 0.5) whose makeup I can endorse. Come and look at the fug, and the fab!
WTF #1: Orange eyebrows at Prada
So apparently the look they were going for at Prada was “manga”—kind of synthetic and doll-like and virtual reality-esque. That’s good, because my reality does not include walking down the street looking like this.
WTF #2: Rainbow eyeshadow at Roberto Cavalli
Oh God, tragedy. I think I actually had makeup similar to this when, as a newbie beauty ed, I naively booked in with a visiting Clé de Peau makeup artist before a TIFF party. Girl put every colour in the collection on my eyelids ALL AT ONCE (not to mention gave me wrinkles I didn’t even have from the sheer amount of foundation she piled on my face). Needless to say, I ran home and scrubbed it all off.
And this is the story of why I don’t let anyone do my makeup.
Anyway, here is the closed-eye view so you can really appreciate it:
WTF #3: Ghoul beauty at Marni
You can’t even see the terrible bangs in this photo—which is funny because they’re not even the worst of this look. (I’ve also had these bangs given to me, again, as a newbie beauty ed. And THAT’S why I don’t let anyone except Bill Angst cut my hair now.)
Anyway! What primarily concerns me here is the purple pigment around the eyes, intended to make them look more sunken in. That’s right—this was intentional. Okaaaay then.
WTF #4: Lisbeth Salander-style bangs at Versace
We all know Rooney Mara has these bangs not by choice but because of the Dragon Tattoo thing. I think they looked cool on her at the Oscars, but come on designers—let’s not go making them a thing, okay? Please?
WTF #5: Ridic beehives at Moschino
Let Amy Winehouse rest in peace, I say! Also, I need a time out from all of this overt retro stuff. The makeup’s cute, but please no on the hair.
WTF #6: Chevron shadow at Giorgio Armani
It’s almost sacrilegious to criticize makeup by Linda Cantello. I shouldn’t. This actually doesn’t look wrong when the eyes are open… but closed? People would not understand.
WTF #7: Random eyeshadow and crazy wet braids at Fendi
Wow, so much to parse in one single look! Ignore the plastic on the braids (yes, braidS—there are multiple), that’s just there because this shot was taken backstage. In its full glory, this ‘do features wet-look hair AND pigtails fashioned from multiple braids. And let’s not forget that slash of white eyeshadow.
I know, WTF.
Now let’s cleanse our palettes and look at some pretty:
Ethereal gorgeousness at Emilio Pucci
Love love love. Don’t you want to run out and get one of these braided headwraps, like, RIGHT NOW? (Sephora sells them, BTW. Unfortunately not in my specific now-”apricot” hair colour. Darn.) There are other elements, besides the hair, which also please me: the full brows, the blush (but of course) and the just barely-stained lips. Yay.
Rose-petal lips at Jil Sander
Just when you think you’ve seen all the pinks in the world, along comes a new, ever-so-slightly different one to make you fall in love all over again. This mouth is Chanel Rouge Allure Velvet Lipstick in L’Élégante (first lined with Chanel Lip Pencil in #32 Pivoine). Note the matte finish.
“Dark romance” at Gucci
I’m only giving Gucci a 0.5 because there’s something about this mouth that’s a teensy bit scary to me. Dark bordeaux lipstick with red lipstick and gloss in the centre? And bleached-out brows? Small children will run! That said, I think you’d get a similar effect with a slightly toned-down, single-shade lip, and normal eyebrows. Thoughts?
Did these looks give you a case of the WTFs too?
Which one scares you the most?
Would you try any of these yourself?