So a classic Daily Mail piece ran the other day—and I’m still not sure whether it’s legit or if we all got punk’d.
The writer, one 41-year-old Samantha Brick, insists that her “pleasing appearance” has been a mixed blessing. Sure, random male strangers send bottles of champagne to her table in restaurants; present bouquets of flowers; pay her cab fare and buy her train tickets. But when it comes to other women, apparently it’s Mean Girls 2.0. She says they refuse to be photographed with her; shut her out in fear that she’ll have an affair with their husbands; pass her over for promotions at work; and just generally act like jealous beeyotches.
Yikes! So much to discuss. Could there be truth to what she’s saying… or are people that complain about how pretty they are just self-deluded narcissists? You decide. Here’s a photo of Ms. Brick:
Okay, so *I* think she’s a decent-looking woman. I’m even going to go out on a limb and and say she looks quite pretty in the pic below:
But there are oh, at last count over 5,000 commenters at the Daily Mail who mostly think she’s delusional and not pretty at all. Ouch! I think it’s photos like this that are giving people pause:
And this one:
It’s all a bit mean, and I’m not entirely convinced the Daily Mail editors didn’t deliberately take unflattering photos just to stir the pot. But HECK—how can I say this?—if Ms. Brick is getting stopped in the street all the time, then maybe we all should move to London? (Sorry, no offense to the British—loveyouguys!)
Anyway, let’s talk about this. Because I have a lot to say about it, as per usual.
A key reason why this chick may have men falling at her feet
So despite pursuing beauty as my “life’s work” (HAR), I’ll be the first to say that mastering the art of foundation application or a great blow-dry doesn’t a beautiful person make. Of course it helps, but it’s not really enough.
OMG, I can’t believe I’m saying this now, since I totally dissed this word just the other week… but it’s kind of an energy thing.
Let’s just assume for a moment that Samantha Brick is indeed telling the truth here. I’ll bet you dollars to donuts that she gets all this attention from men not just because of her physical appearance (even SHE says she’s no Elle Macpherson), but because she smiles a lot, looks them in the eye, and is genuinely happy, open, friendly and easy to be with.
Whether she is ONLY these things to the opposite sex is up for debate. (Because that does tend to ruffle other women’s feathers. See: any season of The Bachelor. Oh, hi Courtney!)
Anyway, what’s going on with our British friend is all speculation—but for our lives across the pond here, I think the fact that your disposition and attitude can do far more for you than, say, a new lipstick, is worth some consideration. So, smile! Flirt! Be happy! Just be gender equal about it.
Also?
Nobody wants to hear pretty people complain about being pretty
Because it spawns the urge to play the world’s smallest violin.
I mean, if you truly ARE a knockout, then you just come across as a phony, or at the very least someone who doesn’t have real problems. I don’t want to pick too much on my friend V., who has stupidly perfect skin among other genetic blessings, but the other day she pointed to her chin (I’m still not sure of the exact location) and told me the story of how some “crater-sized” pore had finally been unblocked by her Dermalogica facialist. UM, OKAY. I had to tell her to stop talking, because we don’t even speak the same language when it comes to skin problems. (Hello, rosacea?)
On the other hand, if you’re bitching that everyone hates you because you’re beautiful, except you’re kinda sorta not really (or, in Ms. Brick’s case, can we say just “moderately” attractive?), then yes, you WILL be labelled a narcissist. And nothing is more frustrating than dealing with a narcissist because literally any objection you raise to their world view has you automatically categorized as a jealous hater. It’s infuriating.
So yeah… either way, this entire topic is a lose-lose proposition. Best to just suck it up, take your beauty as your cross to bear and simply focus on other things.
Oh, and don’t go too far in the opposite direction either—while nobody likes smugness, there’s no need to brush off compliments (no matter what you look like!). You know how it is: someone tells you you’ve got great eyelashes, and you tell them it’s because you’re using some old mascara you found in the $0.99 bin at Loblaws. It sort of ruins it a bit, no? And makes the compliment-giver feel weird, too. So OWN IT, GIRL. WERK IT. The next time someone praises the pretty, just say “thank you!” and smile.
Is there such thing as a “Pretty Penalty?”
It’s easy to think that life is better for beautiful people. And it IS—in some areas. Scientists have actually studied this, and beautiful people are more likely to be happier, earn more money, get a bank loan with a lower interest rate and marry a good-looking and highly educated spouse. (Gosh, now I feel totally validated for helping people move a few notches up on the pretty scale via hair and makeup. Maybe I really AM saving lives? Just kidding.)
But funnily enough, The Economist had an interesting article just the other day on how physical attractiveness can work against you. The researchers wanted to find out what happened when job hunters included photos with their applications. If you were a hot man, you got more call-backs for interviews… but if you were a hot woman, it was the exact opposite. The conclusion was that, with human resources departments comprised of 93 percent females, “old-fashioned jealousy led the women to discriminate against pretty candidates.”
Wow! Now THAT’s ugly.
Another pretty person problem has to do with meeting members of the opposite sex. Now, like I said, I’m almost certain that the Daily Mail lady gets male attention because of the vibe she gives off; objectively speaking, she’s not supermodel-gorgeous. But REAL supermodels? Well, they really do have challenges. My colourist has worked with a lot of models, including a very famous one whose name I’m SURE you’d recognize, and the last time I was in he told me she actually used to hit on him, saying that she couldn’t meet a good man. Which is sort of crazy because he’s probably twice her age and she should be batting men off like flies. But nobody asks her out! Men find her way too intimidating! So believe it or not, a lot of supermodels are also super-lonely. (Maybe Ms. Brick can give them some tips?)
Anyway, let’s discuss:
What’s your take on Samantha Brick—are her complaints legit or is she totally deluded?
Have you ever been jealous of someone’s beauty, or on the flip side, experienced The Pretty Penalty yourself?
Do you think it’s harder or easier to go through life being considered “beautiful”?
126 comments
Wednesday, April 4/2012 at 10:36 am
I don’t think the issue here is so much inherent physical attractiveness so much as it’s how much effort you put into your appearance. I would have no trouble hanging out with a really beautiful girl who had gone through the same effort in terms of hair and makeup as I had – like, if we were both in class with air-dried hair, sweats, and no makeup; or if we were both at a bar with the same level of eye makeup and a similar quality blow-out. But I get uncomfortable around people who put more effort into their appearance than I do, because it’s almost like I thought I was aware of what level of “done up-ness” the situation called for, but then the other person cheated or something? If that makes sense. Ms. Brick maybe isn’t that naturally beautiful, but maybe the women she hangs out with don’t dye their hair, don’t get manicures, and don’t tie their scarves in an awkward fussy way around their neck…. I think this is particularly tricky in professional situations. For one of my first job interviews, I was like, okay, I’m going to look really “professional” and get my hair nicely blown out (it was a bob at the time) and get a nice neutral manicure, and put on some neutral eye shadow just to look polished. But the women I interviewed with were like, complete trolls (…sorry), and I could just feel that I was making them really uncomfortable. I’ve had much better luck since in professional situations when I haven’t put so much effort into my appearance.
Wednesday, April 4/2012 at 11:10 am
Good point! I remember being dragged out to a bar one night against my will. I had showed up to socialize with friends wearing no makeup, looking casual. We were just bumming around someone’s house and there was no need to get all dressed up. Someone decided it would be a good idea to go out to a club and everyone told me not to worry, that it didn’t matter if I wasn’t dressed up or wearing makeup. I will NEVER listen to someone who says that again. I was surrounded by ladies in clubbing gear with expertly applied makeup while I was there in jeans and a t-shirt. Everyone looked amazing and glamorous and I felt dull and invisible. It was painful – never again!
Wednesday, August 29/2012 at 1:27 pm
This makes a lot of sense. Never thought of it this way before.
Wednesday, April 4/2012 at 11:01 am
I loved this post – it’s a huge pet peeve of mine when women complain about “being too pretty” or about “other woman being jealous of them”. In 2009, Jessica Biel complained to Allure Magazine that her beauty was an obstacle to her getting quality roles. GAG. Say that to Jennifer Aniston or Hally Berry. I’ve noticed that the most “popular” girls are often (as you said) the ones with sparkly smiles, confidence, and spunky personalities… And most importantly, the truly beautiful people are so often unaware of the beauty they emanate… WAIT… did a boys band just write a song about that…. : )
Happy Wednesday,
Emily
http://partymixtape.blogspot.ca/
Wednesday, April 4/2012 at 11:03 am
I hate to burst someone’s self esteem bubble, but I agree with you about the lady in question. I would describe her as nicely put together, but average in the looks department. Confidence and personality are a HUGE factor when it comes to attractiveness. I have know very average looking ladies, and some not pretty at all, who had men falling all over them. It happens so frequently that it caused me to reevaluate the real importance of beauty. These ladies had a certain something that was almost magnetic and just drew all kinds of people in. That is something all women should be coveting because it really does attract the opposite sex in droves AND it doesn’t age, while people’s outsides certainly can.
Nothing is more off putting than a shallow, uninteresting, disengaged attractive person – these qualities dull their splendor and most men loose interest after the first few interactions (at lease from what I have observed). I am sure that they’d try really hard to overlook initial negative qualities if the person was a super model, but I can’t image a lasting interactions would be fun or possible with someone who’s inner self was ugly. Maybe the uber attractive who are complaining just aren’t very nice people?
Wednesday, April 4/2012 at 11:06 am
(Just read over what I wrote – sorry for the typos and spelling errors! Arg! Wish there was an edit option. )
Wednesday, April 4/2012 at 11:07 am
I loved this post – it’s a huge pet peeve of mine when women complain about “being too pretty” or about “other woman being jealous of them”. In 2009, Jessica Biel complained to Allure Magazine that her beauty was an obstacle to her getting quality roles. GAG. Say that to Jennifer Aniston or Hally Berry. I’ve noticed that the most “popular” girls are often (as you said) the ones with sparkly smiles, confidence, and spunky personalities… And most importantly, the truly beautiful people are so often unaware of the beauty they emanate… WAIT… did a boys band just write a song about that…. : )
http://partymixtape.blogspot.ca/
Wednesday, April 4/2012 at 11:39 am
You’re a great writer Michelle! Thouroughly enjoyed this article.
Wednesday, April 4/2012 at 12:05 pm
Wow! Great Topic! I totally believe in the pretty penalty. Growing up back in the Bronx it was called “mad cuz they ugly”. When an attractive girl felt someone was not being nice or spreading false rumours, or excluded UNFAIRLY(as in not deserved) we’d say said girl was “just mad she’s ugly”. I’m kind of ashamed to admit it now but it’s true. I read an article that cited a study that claimed women will actually encourage other women to diminish what is deemed attractive to men in that society. Study claimed men prefer long hair women will encourage other women to cut theirs off, to eat the cupcake instead of the fruit etc. That our brain feels pleasure when attractive women say wear bad makeup or gain weight. That it’s genetics, we can’t help it, it’s all to be considered more attractive to procreate. Crazy right?
from me…:
As far as Ms Brick, I believe she’s telling the truth. As beauty knowledgeable females we all see an moderately attractive women. But we are reading blogs, studying celebs, etc. In short we’re scrutinizing much more than the average man. And there’s what Michele and others’ have called Girl beauty vs Guy beauty. And she’s got guy beauty. You know blonde hair, not fat, pretty makup and heels. That’s about all they need. And also you know and not trying to be mean hear but she’s talking about AVERAGE guys here you know. As in average looks. So apples to apples she’s hot. Also I’m pretty certain like Michele stated, her personality(energy) has a lot to do with it. I’d bet she’s open, friendly and smiles a lot. We all know a smile to a lot of men = interest( I can’t be the only one who’s regretted smiling after it being misread and leading to unwanted attention).
Also Michelle I so want to thank you for the compliment bit. I am guilty of doing that all the time. After being complimented I always try to deflate myself like, Oh I didn’t even do my hair today, oh these are so old and I got them at the thrift store. It’s really just I’m a little embarassed but I’ve never thought it makes the complimentor uncomfortable. They probably wish they never said a thing. No more of that, from now on just a big genuine Thank You! with a big genuine
Wednesday, April 4/2012 at 2:21 pm
Oops I meant when an attractive girl was treated unfairly, the unattractive girls were mad
Thursday, April 5/2012 at 11:42 am
Great point on Guy and Girl beauty! I think that’s exactly what’s going on in Ms. Brick’s case, she is set to please a man’s eye. Man repelling is certainly a trend she will never follow:)
Thursday, April 5/2012 at 2:14 pm
thank you. always nice to know others agree.
Tuesday, August 21/2012 at 4:28 am
Denise,
I think your post is so spot-on! I was recently talking to a friend of mine about Tyra Banks. She was on the Opera Show years ago and I remember her saying that she went on a singles-cruise when she was younger and didn’t have a single conversation with a man. NOT ONE! How does THAT happen? Opera said, To a man, his chances for “success” are higher with a 5 or 6 (woman on a scale of 10) than with a 9 or 10. Therefore, more women considered to fall in that range are hit on, asked out etc. It goes hand in hand with your response about “guy beauty”.
And don’t feel badly about the whole “she mad cuz she ugly” thing, we all did that to make our friends feel better about something.
Tuesday, September 11/2012 at 10:35 am
Well said! I can see the squinty-eyed look of hate on women’s faces when my gorgeous sister enters the room. Without question women automatically dislike slim, attractive women. I have to work extra hard to find acceptance amongst some women – not all women are so unhappy with themselves that they are mean to others for being genetically determined attractive. Twenty years ago a woman apologized to me for trying to make me feel bad about my body when we were in highschool because she was jealous. My sister had to change highschools because she was bullied for being beautiful. Franky, the author of this article sounds a bit jealous.
Wednesday, November 21/2012 at 12:38 am
As a social media myself and from what I have studied in the media. There are two groups of stereotypes. From Magazines and women. Media just want attention of beautiful people and make other people feel like they are not good enough. I used to feel like I’m not good enough, and now that I’m beautiful; I don’t need to brag about my looks and my curvy body (Who cares about that). I’m pretty very easy on people and help them out. I just need media to stop hurting society. Did you know that media is from COMPUTER to make women to look more beautiful… But in real life they look a bit different. I agree that article is a little rough but no one is perfect as God has created a beautiful creatures and I believe he has a reason…
Wednesday, April 4/2012 at 1:05 pm
My boyfriend feels awkward walking down the street with me because of my looks.
Though I’m highly educated and have quite a lot of experience in my field, I have been hired for numerous jobs based on my appearance alone.
AND I have the BEST girlfriends and female co-workers.
That woman is delusional.
She’s not attractive and no one who is attractive has hate like that.
People hate her because she’s probably not a nice person.
Wednesday, April 4/2012 at 1:06 pm
Sorry, he feels awkward because of the stares I get.
I don’t notice them but he does and he gives back angry stares.
Saturday, April 14/2012 at 8:28 pm
sounds like he has a problem. You may be beautiful, “and of course you don’t realize it”, but at least you have him. I also enjoy when I walk in with a man and he can charm the whole room, knowing he is with me. Maybe you should bask in his looks for a bit.
Wednesday, April 4/2012 at 1:23 pm
Great post.
I have to admit, when I read the effects Ms. Brick has on men, I expected to see a Victoria’s Secret model and not such an ordinary woman. I first thought: yeah, you wish.
But then she said it’s all because she smiles a lot, looks them in the eye, and is genuinely happy, open, friendly and easy to be with. If this is really true then my faith in the male gender is restored. I really want to believe that ‘in your face-beauty’ is not what’s most important for men.
I do think it’s harder to go through life when you’re “beautiful” – men tend to be intimidated by beauty. And women are jealous. Unfortunately that’s just the way it is.
There is actually one girl’s beauty I’m envious of. Google pics of ‘Megan Fox, Juno premiere, 2007′. Seriously, she’s breathtaking. Sadly she’s not half as pretty now as she was back then, thanks to plastic surgery.
As for me I’m happy with the way I look, I feel comfortable. (I’m talking about my face, not my body but that’s a different story) And I’m glad to say, part of it is because this blog told me so and how.
Wednesday, April 4/2012 at 1:52 pm
I definitely think that Ms. Brick’s winning personality holds sway for many men and makes women jealous. Given that, I really don’t think she’s bad looking either. Yeah, you’re right, she’s not the most gorgeous female ever, but given that she looks rather tallish, she’s blond and she wears a nice dress and batts a mascara-ed eyelash, I’m quite sure she’s actually quite a catch.
I think that women who are pretty do actually get the green eye from other women quite a bit. But combine that with brains and a good dose of plain old nice-ness, a fairly good body and genuine happiness and you’ve got a girl that most women I think, would kill to be. I’ve felt it myself to be honest. I don’t get jealous so much over a pretty face per se, but with all the other elements that make up a great woman, yeah, I feel a little intimidated.
Awesome discussion!
Wednesday, April 4/2012 at 2:03 pm
Kim K is the prefect example to use here I feel. She has guys falling all over her, but they dont seem to stay. This is what happens when your whole life is about how you look, and not about having any substance. She probably, like all her “fans”, thinks anyone who doesnt like her is “jealous”, when in reality she is most likely a self centered narcissist who only cares about appearances, which is not something most people look for in friends. Im guessing Ms. Brick is the exact opposite. While she is average looking, she probably has a great personality that people are attracted to in general. Some girls who are insecure with themselves probably resent her because of this. I dont think there is necessarily a pretty penalty, but I do think some pretty girls lack personality, thus thinking people are jealous and blah blah blah. Looks fade but personality is FOR -EVAH!
Friday, April 6/2012 at 10:54 pm
Great example with Kim K. I think Reese Witherspoon is her polar opposite – not necessarily a stunner, but always dresses well, has feature-enhancing makeup and hair, is very smiley and has lovely southern manners. She feels authentic, and therefore is gorgeous in ways the Kardaahians couldn’t dream of.
Wednesday, April 4/2012 at 2:12 pm
Maggie, I thought that too about Ms. Fox. Its sad how seriously beautiful women ruin themselves with plastic surgery, again, Kim K. i think she looked really beautiful before her nose job, botox, cheeks, and everything else got ruined.
Thursday, April 5/2012 at 6:36 am
Yes, what is it with plastic surgeries and celebrities these days? I mean, isn’t it supposed to improve your looks? I feel like 90% look worse than before.
Wednesday, April 4/2012 at 6:00 pm
I don’t know, but I do know I’ve worked in two offices where women who never wore makeup or dressed nicely started wearing makeup after I have — and the one even said I ‘inspired her to look better.’ I even overheard her asking another girl “why do guys like her so much? Is it because she wears makeup?’ I felt like total crap. She started getting all decked out. It made me feel uncomfortable. I’m not very pretty, but I do put effort into my appearance, mostly because I have skin issues, so I need to wear makeup and I like to dress nicely. So, yeah, there’s something to it.
Wednesday, April 4/2012 at 9:30 pm
I think some of the reaction is just people taking the bait. Ms. Brick’s previously notable “articles” for the Daily Fail include one about how she lets her husband pick her entire wardrobe. She’s a provocateur and she got what she wanted – the most enormous spike in page views that “publication” has ever seen.
Lets be honest – she’s a pleasant but average looking woman who gives off the vibe of being totally up herself. I’ll give her credit for being clever enough to come up with the idea for this latest piece of self-promotion because it’s definitely ensured she’ll get more work from the DM.
Thursday, April 5/2012 at 12:08 am
OMG! I loved this article… I always used to wonder why some girls who are average looking (IMHO) got so much attention from men, whereas far prettier girls used to sit by the sidelines getting all sorts of inferiority complexes because hardly any men would approach them.
And that bit on how to receive compliments, I totally need to start doing that. I always feel so weird and embarrassed. Trying to learn how to say Thank you, and move on, but sometimes I just end up being lil apologetic, you know, like I need to explain to the other person why I’m looking / being like that.
Thursday, April 5/2012 at 1:31 am
Women are going to judge each other no matter what, its in our nature. But I’ve gone to a club before with barely any makeup and barely dressed up and I just danced, drank and enjoyed myself. Whether I’m being noticed or not doesnt matter. Sadly in todays society we pay too much attention to looking good, or “hot”. I think people especially women need to be comfortable in their own skin, whether others judge you or not. As per the pretty penalty I agree guys get intimidated if they think your out of their league, which is absurd. People shouldn’t feel inferior to someone because they think the other person looks better. I see girls who try to hard to be hot and just end up looking trashy. I totally agree with you Michelle that your vibe, energy, or aura whatever you want to call it, is so important. Makeup, clothes, hair etc. are all secondary.
On another note: I’ve seen pretty people with bad teeth or yellow teeth or poor hygiene, I’d say hygiene comes over beauty anyday. No one wants to see yellow teeth or smell bad breath, and topping your lips with an expensive lipgloss or lipstick wont help one bit.
Thursday, April 5/2012 at 3:23 am
Great read ! While on one hand studies show beautiful people have better jobs/opportunities , it may not be all that great for them either. Men seem to covet beautiful women but average men will probably take home an average but pleasant looking woman ,probably someone easy to be with. I hate to admit women will totally give wrong advice or keep quiet and say you are looking great when you are not. I totally believe that bit about HR sabotaging chances for prettier women. I suspect pretty women being bimbettes is totally validated and put into men’s minds by average looking women. I am from India and am saying this from my perspective….I have been at the receiving end of all the women outside my family , relatives and coworkers telling me to tone down my smiling, being open and talkative and of course makeup which was minimal anyway !
Saturday, April 14/2012 at 8:37 pm
That’s because you are from India, your family has those beliefs. It’s nice to just be who you are and be nice to everyone. I just can’t say anymore. I worried what was the matter with me as a younger person, but then I realized once you are comfortable with who you are, who cares WHAT anyone else thinks.
Thursday, August 30/2012 at 12:51 am
I think I am totally guilty of the HR discrimination thing too, even though i am one of those people who takes a lot of pride in their appearance and, quite frankly, spends a little too much time on it.
I had an 18-19 y/o knock-out, all-american blonde girl come into my store looking for a job application. Like, seriously, she was the second coming of Jessica Simpson in her “Newlywed”/Daisy Duke days, but maybe even better looking. After the initial 2-3 seconds of being stunned by her appearance, I was already thinking of excuses not to hire her.
I feel a little guilty for my bias. but objectively I know she wouldn’t be a good fit regardless of her looks. We can only hire one associate and we DESPERATELY need a stock person. Only a young guy who can lift a 50 lb box over his head will do.
Thursday, April 5/2012 at 5:02 am
Before seeing her actual age, I saw her pictures first and I thought she was 50. I dont find her very attractive. She doesnt give off that sexy vibe. So I think she’s exaggerating.
Thursday, April 5/2012 at 2:35 pm
I would say she is average looking woman but she got Guy beauty type so that explains what she talks about though I think she is exaggerating a bit (or I DO need to move to Britain lol).
I do agree that there is such thing as beauty penalty, I experience it myself though I don’t consider myself supermodel beautiful. Even in work environment men are more friendly to me than women, and I feel it. The funny thing is that I don’t judge people based on their looks, and one of best friends is not within the standards of modern beauty but she got beautiful personality and kind heart and I adore her. I know she appreciates my personality too but our friendship seems strange to those who only see looks and are not able to see through it.
Thursday, April 5/2012 at 3:01 pm
The Pretty Penalty exists. I’ve seen it in action, many, many times. I’ve seen it happen to my friends, where I can be relatively objective, and occasionally for myself, where I admit I can’t be. While there are absolutely narcissists who cry “jealous”, they really cloud the issue a lot, because I don’t think they are the majority.
It’s not really about straight-up looks. It’s about how attractive the other woman thinks you are, and how secure they are. Attractive includes physical looks, charm, style, social skills, money, and anything the other person is insecure about. It’s about whether that person thinks you are in direct competition with them, a direct threat (real or not) in some way. If you have something they don’t. (Or don’t think they do.) So exactly how pretty Ms. Brick is doesn’t matter; how charming & appealing she is overall does.
The best I can do is to try not to perpetuate this behaviour myself, or hide my own light. Speak up when you see this BS behaviour! All it does is pit women against each other, instead of focussing on each being great themselves!
Side note: guys do this too, but over more masculine attributes. Tall, good-looking, nice, smart guys have their own haters! And if they’re buff, look out!
Friday, April 6/2012 at 9:40 am
I think this passage from the cut blog, quoting one of Brick’s previous articles, really says it all:
“And speaking of, here’s a fun selection of from her full oeuvre, again graded by its breathy hyperbole:
From “I use my sex appeal to get ahead at work … and so does ANY woman with any sense,” published August 25, 2011:
“The truth is, I’d much rather work for a man than a woman. I’ve always dressed with the express intention to please and gratify my male bosses in the workplace. If I had a choice of how to spend my ideal lunch hour, it’s a no-brainer. Each and every time I’d choose to flirt over lunch with a male superior rather than engage in mindless gossip with the girls over a sandwich.” “
Friday, April 6/2012 at 5:55 pm
Just as I guessed – the reason she has men falling all over her is because she acts like a tramp!!!
Friday, April 6/2012 at 8:30 pm
She wrote another piece about how she stopped dressing herself and lets her (very creepy-seeming) husband pick out what she wears too. So… yeah. Ick.
Friday, April 6/2012 at 7:53 pm
I’m pretty, but I was always kind, down-to-earth and a bit shy in school as well. I think my shyness made me seem a bit unapproachable, even though I had a very friendly, sincere and warm vibe with those around me.
I would often hear how many guys in school had a crush on me, but yet, few asked me out. I’ve had many guys admit they had wanted to ask me out but thought I was too pretty. However, I do get approached quite a bit when out, but strangers really have nothing to lose! Sometimes it seems I get approached more when less fixed up–I think I seem more approachable then.
In school, I made friends with the girls that were “genuine.” Some of the popular girls didn’t like me, because I drew attention from the popular guys. I was in the middle as far as being popular, but I was friends with anyone I liked, regardless of their popularity. It’s hard to find female friends that are true friends. I have a few very close, wonderful female friends to this day, and I’m very thankful for them. Oddly enough, they’re all beautiful.
I once had an acquaintance, whom I was genuinely happy to meet, admit after we became friends that she didn’t like me when she first met me because she thought I was too pretty. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and figured she just felt insecure. I thought she was quite pretty herself, but she said she had never been told she was pretty growing up. When she later developed a big crush on a guy who ended up liking me, she dumped me as a friend.
I know other pretty girls who have also had issues with “mean girls.” It’s especially bad in office settings it seems. Sometimes I think it’s the really sweet and somewhat shy pretty girls that get stepped on, but the pretty girls with really strong personalities (the popular girls) don’t get picked on because they’re more alpha, and so people want to be accepted by these types of girls.
Am I complaining about being pretty? No. But being pretty isn’t without challenges. We “all” have challenges in life though, and it’s not about how pretty you are that counts, it’s about how joyful, well-adjusted, thankful and at peace you feel with your life. You can be beautiful but not happy or unattractive but super happy. If I had to chose between the two, I’d choose to be happy. Pretty or not–life is what you make it–we must all be thankful for what we “do” have–and for most of us, that’s a lot.
Saturday, April 7/2012 at 11:52 am
You know what makes me hate her? Her attitude’ not her looks. That in my mind makes her an ugly person.
She is obviously an attention whore, writing a deliberately controversial piece to get people to talk about her. She is no different than the Kardashians.
She gets no sympathy from me.
Monday, April 9/2012 at 4:05 pm
Being pretty is nice. I am in my thirties and when I was insecure and in my 20s women were very nice. As I became more sophisticated, acquired more “stuff” and confidence women became more hostile. I also find being an attractive brown women ca be tough at times because people can be intimidated by beautiful ethnic women. I used to tone it down for other women or hold in my light,but now I shine and attract other confident women of all types and I can smell jealousy a mile away by the scent of personal insecurity.
Wednesday, April 11/2012 at 10:22 am
I thinkn some writers are getting to caught up in the way that Samantha Brick looks. The question at hand is as follows: Do women hate other women just because of their looks? The honest answer is yes. I’ve always said that women are catty. Everyone has either seen or participated in shooting venom at an attractive woman that enters the room. During job interviews I noticed the same behavior from my interviewer that happened to be a woman. They were to busy asking me about my purse or my wardrobe instead of asking about my job skills, work history and job skills. It’s a sin and a shame that everyone is attacking this woman for stating something that truly exist in most progressive countries. Unfortunately I have better luck with a male interviewer and males in the workplace.
Saturday, April 14/2012 at 8:18 pm
My opinion on inner beauty and outer beauty is it nice for the really attractive women not to realize they are so attractive, and truly like a compliment. I have worked with a girl, that has said how hard it was that she was sooo attractive and I looked the other way and faked puking. Of course without her seeing. Really. It truly sickened me. Ms. Brick was not drop dead gorgeous, and yet you smile, show some intellect, able to have a conversation and be interesting that goes a long way, carry your self in a confident way. It means a lot. I also thinks it’s nice for the unattractive women to receive a compliment, but I do this as a stylist.
Sunday, April 15/2012 at 12:02 pm
I am well aware of the pretty penalty, both having experienced it myself and also from the otherside. Early high school, before I quit netball, big mistake there, I was definitely attractive. Tall, blonde and thin. I got a lot of attention and yes, even teachers treated me differently. I got away with a lot more than your average student as far as punishment, backtalking, skipping out on homework, and class. A lot of it was also confidence, which I wouldn’t have had without looking the way I did. Then late highschool it all went the wrong way, I put on a LOT of weight, my shape changed, my features changed, damn you genetics, and I was far from looking like the ideal girl. Suddenly people weren’t cutting me as much slack as they used to, I couldn’t talk my way out of as many problems and my confidence all but dried up. People I was meeting didn’t want to spend extra time talking to me even though at that point I still acted the same as I always had, they were just less willing to put up with me. The contrast was made so much more obvious when I made a new friend who is undoubtably hot. Like boys,men, even girls, stop and stare at her. We go to music festivals and its chicks who stop her to tell her how hot she is, even though shes straight. Now, shes the one who gets away with everything, I went to class with these kids for four years long, she talks to one for ten minutes in one of her classes and I’m the one who has to be a plus one to every social event. Trust me the irony was not lost on me. Take what you’ve been given and run with it, if you’re hot, don’t complain about how much girls hate you. Its natural that they feel the need to compete so take it as a compliment. The upsides make it better than the alternative.
Sunday, April 15/2012 at 1:06 pm
Um, heck yeah, it happens. One of my best friends is absolutely gorgeous..a model, yadda yadda. I love her, she’s great. However, most other women treat her like absolute crap. I’ve seen it in action…very pathetic and sick. As for me, while I am not gorgeous (i’d say I am cute), I do notice that now that I am 40 and haven’t aged much past 28 (having oily Italian skin will do that to you…), I get a lot of ugly stares from other women my age who look far older. I’ve even had other moms at my kids’ schools refer to me as a “younger mom” with a disdainful look. Lol, they are my age or even a few years younger most often! Hilarious! And don’t even get me started on how these women act if they see their husbands chatting with me! lol. My husband says to laugh it off, but it honestly bugs me. I don’t dress slutty or “young” per se, but I do have a funkier style that a lot of women seem to “give up” once they hit a certain age….
Women are the WORST when it comes to this stuff. As for me, I’ve never had a problem befriending women who are far prettier or younger-looking than me. But some women have to feel like “the fairest one of all” their friends. Pretty effing sad!
Monday, April 16/2012 at 10:21 pm
Like most other commenters here, I definitely agree that there is a penalty that comes with being attractive. Call me pompous, arrogant, whatever, but I know I’m an attractive person. And despite what anyone (even boy bands) say, pretty girls usually know that they’re pretty. They might be taking time to get over their adolescent insecurities (I didn’t grow into my looks until I was 16, and then it took me a few years to finally accept it), but they’ll accept it at some point.
But yes: the pretty penalty. I’m actually a fairly quiet person (I’m constantly worried about saying the wrong thing), so I think people tend not to talk to me because of that, but who knows? But being pretty comes with the unwanted attention that someone mentioned above (a smile = interest in the male mind). It also leads to stares that make me think something is on my face (like chocolate or pasta sauce, both which have been known to happen). And there’s a pressure to always look put-together. I showed up to class once as an undergrad without any makeup, and most of the girls in the small class gave me this weirded-out look.
Wednesday, April 18/2012 at 12:33 am
I think its ridiculous to complain about being beautiful. Most people arent soooo gorgeous that they couldnt tone it down if they wanted to. This is a made up problem.
Wednesday, April 18/2012 at 1:09 pm
They shouldn’t have to “tone it down”.
It’s the problem & poor behaviour of the people treating them badly. The answer to someone treating you badly isn’t for You to change to accomodate what they want, it’s for them to stop judging & being abusive. You can’t live to please other people.
And for the record, no amount of “toning down” will satisfy someone who feels threatened. I watched my friend try to do this, & it was a train wreck. The person persecuting her just went after her more, scenting weakness. It didn’t stop until she put her foot down about boundaries & appropriate behaviour.
Wednesday, April 18/2012 at 1:18 pm
Tone it down? You can’t tone down beauty–either you are or you aren’t, and not being fixed up doesn’t hide a beautiful face.
Tuesday, April 24/2012 at 10:46 pm
So late to reading this but had to comment…..I am average in the looks department, not ugly, but not model like in any way at all. But I am bubbly, outgoing and laugh a lot. I have often had friends way more physically beautiful than myself ask me how I attract guys. And I really can’t say for certain. The only thing is my husband (god bless him, he takes it all in stride when someone hits on me when we go out to a bar or something.) has said to me that I have bedroom eyes and I give off a vibe that I am a sexual women. I certainly don’t think I am putting all that out there. I think I have been fortune that I have never lacked dates (back when I was single).
I think very very beautiful women probably have a far harder time meeting guys and that there are plenty of miserable women who give them the pretty penalty. I seem to never have that problem with women because I am average. I certainly have had my share of drop dead pretty girl friends and I know a lot of them some how wind up dating guys who seem to find new ways to make them feel bad (either about their looks or weight or their style). i imagine insecurity probably makes some men kinda nuts or jealous.
As for the woman in the article, again, is she has the right personality I don’t doubt that her life is a sweet ride. Goodness knows I have stumbled into plenty of cool situations but I have never personally suffered the “pretty penalty”. Middle of the road lucky is my lot and I am quiet happy with it.
Wednesday, May 2/2012 at 10:03 am
Well, I don’t find her especially pretty. She’s “good to average looking”.
No offense but it’s just that I know people who look so much better (in my opinion.)
However, I don’t understand the whole “don’t judge” thing. Praising or appreciating something is a judgment as well, it’s just pleasant for the opposite party so they don’t complain…
Aaaaanywho!
I actually like having pretty friends. I think my mother is very beautiful, people even tell me she is. (She thinks she’s ugly…nonsense). My sister is beautiful, my roomate is beautiful and I do not hate her. I do wish I was that pretty sometimes but there are definitely no negative feelings or ill will towards her. I think she just comes across as somewhat vain because to many people she doesn’t seem “as” beautiful as she makes it seem. I mean, I was expecting the modelesque picture to be the “complainer” not that woman.
Oh well, that’s just my opinion but I love pretty people. I could stare at them all day male or female.
Sunday, May 13/2012 at 4:04 am
@AnonymousChick: Right on sister! You are one wise woman. =)
My personal opinion on this is that Samantha Brick was probably definitely drop-dead-gorgeous in her 20s. The memories of being treated certain ways because of her good looks went with her to that sleepy village in France where she now lives and the isolation and quietness, combined with her advancing age, probably made her crave the attention she has now garnered. She may be wanting to relive her youth through the medium of writing. Whatever. The important thing that should not be lost on us is that she hit a nerve. I have no doubt she tells the truth about all her experiences. I know this stuff happens to pretty women. I have seen it in action, both with myself and with at least one other hot chick I know. The most dramatic incident happened when my hot friend, as a teen, was out driving somewhere with her family, just dreamily gazing out the window, and a woman in the car next to her just started greasing her off and then – no kidding – pointing at her and threatening her for absolutely no reason! I say this because I’m tired of hearing people say, ‘Oh, nobody abuses someone just because of their looks; she must be a bitch to get that kind of treatment.’ Well, sorry, but… you’re wrong. My gorgeous friend is the kindest, most sincere, generous, funny and warm person you could ever meet, has many friends and is popular. But when she is out in a club other chicks feel it within their rights to start trouble with her. I myself have experienced negative treatment, even bullying, in the workplace by older, fatter, less attractive women. It’s not a question of are you beautiful or not. It’s a matter of where are you on the beauty spectrum? Because you can be totally hot to yourself but as one humorist once put it, women are a rare element: “they quickly turn green if placed beside a finer specimen.” Maybe we should just own up to it. If 20-year-old Samantha Brick was standing next to you at the train station, all 5 feet 11 blonde inches of her, wouldn’t you feel just a little like shifting away slightly?
Wednesday, May 16/2012 at 11:49 pm
I’ve had quite a few negative experiences from jealous girls, since I was a little girl. I really hate to talk about this too much because I know people only get annoyed about it.. But it’s totally true. I’m a modest girl and quite shy, even though I’m fashionable and like to dress up. Girls I made friends with would complain that I’m skinnier than them, and two of my ex-friends even asked me for my breast size repeatedly & got upset saying it’s no fair because I’m bigger. I never bring these things up, so it’s not me acting narcissistic. I’m aware I’m a good looking girl, and I like feeling pretty.. But I don’t feel superior to other people or compare myself like other girls do. It upsets me that it’s so hard to make genuine friendships with other women..I really think people should focus on other things, like inner qualities and what they like about themselves.
Friday, August 24/2012 at 11:38 pm
I have the “curse”, and it is difficult for me to ever say that i am beautiful, for one, I’m pretty modest and two, after reading all that ugliness, and tearing apart of that women from other bitter insecure women ….i dont think i will, though many tell me that I’m beatiful. And yes women want nothing to do with me, and why that is a legitimate problem is that your made to feel like your not good enough and the lack of a close true blue friendship with your own gender hurts emotionally(and sure its the cause of some of my complexes ). So I thought that mrs. Brick was attractive….who is setting the bar here…supermodels?anorexia bulimia, photo chop, airbrushed, and painted…not real. No wonder why women have such low self-esteem, they have been brain washed as to what they think they should look like, which is the epidimey of unhealthy. Good for her for knowing she’s beauiful, and saying it. It is pretty sad to hate something beautiful God created. From my own experience I confirm what she said, and I have to say I’m not a fan of women now, it’s funny they stare more then men do. Power to the pretty girls….and to the ones that think there not or less than…stop comparing somebody’s outsides to your insides, learn to love yourself and then you won’t be so threatened.
Friday, August 31/2012 at 1:19 pm
I tend to not dress up as much because I feel if I did all the time, people would think I’m uptight and vain. I’m kind of hit and miss on this subject. I know I don’t have many girlfriends because of my looks, but that is not the only factor, I just feel like I can’t relate to many women. I’ve been forcing myself to smile at everyone, or at least look complacent. I get a lot of comments that I look sad or snobbish, but I’m not it’s just my face! It sucks trying to make new friends either way, but I feel like people do not know where to place me on the stereo-type scale, so they don’t bother getting to know me. I’m seriously one the most understanding, non-judgmental people you’ll ever meet. I’ve kind of given up when it comes to impressing people, but I still have a hard time being stared at for dressing up even a little.
Also, I model and do other creative things. I want to be a filmmaker and in my major there aren’t a lot of women. It is very very difficult to be taken seriously in my field. Everyone assumes I want to be an actress or photographer. I have a hard time being recognized as a person with a brain and not a person that wears make-up and plays with her hair. I just want to be thought of as a well put together, intelligent woman. Is that too much to ask?
Saturday, September 1/2012 at 4:41 am
I just typed a whole essay on this, but it deleted it as I didnt want to add my email address;/
Anyway, I will try and put my thoughts in a nut shell. I empathise and appreciate everything that’s been said here. Its been my life. I’m 38 and I’ve come to the realisation that a lot of the negativity I’ve experienced in my adult life has been over this. I am not vain, egocentric or a bad person, thats just intellectually lazy to throw that in to the fold on this debate.
Women cant handle a woman they see as a threat in any way (whether real or not). Looks, intelligence, composure, body, job, house, kids, husbands….it goes on. Men, are also threatened by women that tick boxes they feel they should tick as its masculine (wealth, car, job, intelligence). Most men cant handle a woman they think is more intelligent than them and its a double, triple whammy if you’re attractive as well!!
Will this psychological and social game of politics ever change? Only when women have true equality. Women compete with other women as they have no real power in society (and looks are still seen as part of that petty power) men dont have to compete on a more petty level in society as they have the power in social relationships already.
Sadly, on a more day to day level if you are on the receiving end, it can be horrible. I am a lonely woman with no female friends as women just cant relate or allow themslves to like me for the above reasons. Its always a competition with women I meet that I dont enter!
Anyway, be nice to make some friends here? x
Thursday, January 10/2013 at 10:33 am
@Deb, H: I’d love to chat with you! You can email me at: atthenewemailaddress@gmail.com. I’m always interested in other womens’ experiences, especially when it comes to the Pretty Penalty. And this is to anyone else on this site who feels lonely and excluded because of her good looks: You are not alone! Email me and you will have an instant online friend to talk to. Only by sticking together can we hope to come out on top of these ugly situations! Life wasn’t meant to be depressing and lonely, even for beautiful people! =)
Sunday, September 16/2012 at 2:30 am
I have experienced the pretty penaltyits horrible.iI coudlnt wait to get old.Now its following me into old age becuase it turns out the owmen who do this to me are always the oens who feel I am a threat to their “competitative edge” so theres always oen or tow aroudn at a time.Not once has any man sat there spreading nasty rumors that I am someone i am not just to keep me down.There is no reaosn for them to do that.Women however….sadly doing this-the more ugly they are the meaner they get and i noticed they dont take notice of the non threatening women in terms of beauty and they chum up with other uglies .I tested that it was my beauty.The better dressed the worse the jealousy gets.When the hair is short its not as bad.I dont think its “beauty” I think its sexual attractiveness levels.
Sunday, September 16/2012 at 12:04 pm
Is this a serious post? No one can be this dumb.
Monday, September 17/2012 at 10:28 pm
How sad that this topic seems to be a soar spot for so many women. I feel for you ladies! xoxo I have moved here from a country where there are a lot of pretty women, so unless you are a beauty queen no one will pay much attention to your good looks and single them out as a ‘judge for’ quality. It turned out to be quite the opposite here in Canada, as much as I think that Toronto girls are the hottest things out there, in the small town I am living, girls and women are not too fond of what I’d consider my mediocre slavic looks, esp. if I get introduced to their bfs/husbands, like I’m gonna grab the guy and run away with him! LOL. I’d much rather grab the wife and run away with HER! for some girly-chatty times:( So sad, so sad…
Wednesday, October 3/2012 at 1:59 am
wow… i never knew the amount of makeup i wore could make other women not like me… i am just really insecure… it is my smoke screen… I’m not ugly or mean… not that i know of… i am a t shirt ponytail type of girl… nothing fancy… i just assumed i had this toxic trait that other women couldn’t stand… who knows i still could
Wednesday, October 10/2012 at 9:01 pm
The “pretty penalty?” It’s variable. My looks have been an advantage and a disadvantage. Generally, strangers look upon me favorably, treat me with a little extra indulgence. And I know that whenever I am introduced to someone new, that person is likely to be momentarily taken aback (in a good way) by my appearance. By now, I can read the quick gesture of surprise, see how attention shifts to me in a group setting. I am often complimented and verbally admired. It becomes an expectation. This makes me sound narcissistic, but it is how life has gone. And the thing is, this condition is not as enviable as it sounds. Because people come to their senses soon enough. And, strong physical attraction, when it is illicit, gets in the way of relationships. I am married. My lack of sexual availability eventually causes the attention of single men to wane. Married men either secretly proposition me or treat me like poison. Women who lack confidence in their looks or sex appeal go out of their way to exclude me. I merely want to make friends, but to be viewed always as a prospect or competition limits my options severely. My friends are not all beautiful, but they all must be confident. It doesn’t work otherwise. I have many times envied plain women, women who can be sure they are admired only for their personalities and women who won’t be losing much with age.
I’ve been excluded from certain groups of women for seemingly no reason in the past.
Wednesday, October 17/2012 at 4:21 am
I agree totally. ‘Men run 2me( until they find out im married) n Women run frm me( even without a chance).’ These actions leave me so lonely…it Hurts, really.
Sunday, October 14/2012 at 11:08 pm
Oh the ugly people are so willing to diss the beautiful women, it boils down to jealousy from young stupid brits whom are jealous of a stunning woman whom happens to have better genes, taller, bigger eyes than you , slim and pretty, get over it and stop the jealousy. I have been bullied by youner jealous females and older. Get a life !! If a woman has a prettier face than you, accept it !!!
Thursday, October 18/2012 at 12:22 pm
ALL RACES ALL GENDERS ARE DISGUSTING!!!!!
TREAT OTHERS WITH RESPECT AND YOU GET RESPECT BACK.!!!!!!
WALK A MILE IN THE SHOES OF SOMEONE ELSE.
RESPECT RESPECT RESPECT RESPECT RESPECT RESPECT.
IF YOU CAN’T LOVE YOURSELF FIRST INTERNALLY WHO CAN YOU LOVE!
Sunday, October 21/2012 at 6:12 am
Yes an there are other women that have felt the same but if you are also beautiful theres only so jealous you should be
Thursday, October 25/2012 at 11:26 pm
I was the ugly red head throughout school but then discovered personal grooming afterwards. Turns out I scrub up pretty good! Women have been bitchy, isolating, backstabbing and catty towards me my whole life. As a Mum who hasn’t let herself go, I’m always denied involvement in group occasions or social activities. It actually really hurts to be left out. It’s not pretty women complaining about being pretty. But it is a mixed blessing. I’ve just come from a girls weekend and spent much of the time alone and crying because of the coldness towards me. Maybe it’s my looks. Maybe it’s my personality. I call a spade a spade. I’m sick of uglying myself down, dumbing myself down and brushing off compliments for the sake other women’s insecurities. Now I’m doing a degree and I’m never going on a girls trip ever again. I’m so sick of passive aggressive women doing ‘mean girl’ things to hurt those they are jealous of. Just a note, at our school, the really good looking mums are usually alone and the frumpy non-descripts or so-so’s are the one’s in the groups isolating the others.
Friday, October 26/2012 at 2:48 pm
If there’s anyone from London, Ontario – let’s hang out!)
Tuesday, October 30/2012 at 12:06 am
Being beautiful makes people act funny. A lot of women try to put you down, some ugly men will even be rude to you, guys will stare but rarely approach, and though it can be flattering, getting a lot of attention can be an uncomfortable feeling.
I think beautiful people are often moving targets for other people’s insecurities. Subsequently, this can give beautiful women terrible self-esteem because some people go out of their way to hurt people they are jealous of.
Also, many people will assume you’re dumb or convince themselves that you’re lacking in some other area so they don’t have to feel so bad about themselves.
Their is definitely a beauty penalty. It’s probably better to be average looking with great self-esteem, than gorgeous and insecure.
People tell me I’m gorgeous, ask if I’m a model, follow me around stores, but I have low self-esteem. Being beautiful does not mean that the world is your oyster– confidence does.
Samantha Brick is not a supermodel, but she is confident, and the world treats her accordingly.
Thursday, January 17/2013 at 11:55 am
So true, Lilly. I won’t say that I look like a model, but I am very pretty and I have been treated very badly because of my looks.
The put-downs, the stares, and the comments…not to mention the sexual harassment.
I’ve actually heard complete strangers talking about me in the most hurtful ways. Why? They don’t even know me! I remember once I was in a store and this woman was there with her boyfriend. I heard her say something about my “fake” boobs…I was about 19 at the time, very thin, with naturally big breasts. I was shopping for some new bras and that was difficult, given my body type. She was glaring at me while she said it. I guess her boyfriend was looking at me and it made her jealous, so she felt the need to say something unkind. I’ve been dealing with this nonsense my whole life.
Some people can be mean because they don’t understand.
Thursday, November 8/2012 at 2:22 pm
I applied for one job a few years ago, and was basically a shoe-in, even started orientation only to be told after I interviewed with the HR director- a dowdy, sleepy woman in her 40′s that I didn’t fit the job. At this time, I had blonde hair. I got fired before I even started because this HR bulldog didn’t like the way I looked! Dyed my hair dark again, had a job in no time. No joke. Beauty is a complete package and I think unfortunately there are class biases when it comes to beauty standards. Exceptionally well-dressed women with access to exceptional skin care, more expensive cosmetics and high-end hair colour tend to look better. It seems petty but it’s not rocket science. In addition, the prestige adds to the desirability quotient. Celebrities are examples of these class biases to the ultimate extreme. These biases are by definition unfair to middle and lower-income women. Although this lends the illusion that you can “put on” beauty-in a very marketable way, you really can, however the fine print says only up to a point and within the confines of our material society. Outer beauty is attainable right off the store rack-if you have the money. I think this is also why women get jealous. It’s not just the pretty face or the immaculate manicure. It’s the dollars, leisure time, education, personality or personal talents that must have paid for that manicure or those low lights. Feminine interaction is complex in our culture because of these factors. It would make a fascinating study. I do not consider myself a show stopper by any means but I am a naturally attractive, semi athletic woman. There are definitive moments when I can actually sense other women retreating away from me or I can sense their hostility. When they are with men, it is a thousand times worse. Waiting tables in college, leering women would literally leave me pennies as a tip and on occasion, men would tip only a few dollars on a large tab if they were with their wife but if they came back with a male friend the next day they would tip half the total. Even shopping at the grocery store, I feel like women retreat close to their spouses and make it obvious that they are together-despite that I am in a happy relationship and feel my mojo, so to speak, is pretty much turned off in public. It’s very awkward and it’s very hard for me to make female friends and believe me, I’m no Miranda Kerr. But… this hints that it really is something intrinsic, unless you can afford to overcome that- which most of us cannot. We are tempted to say to men it’s all the same, but I’m not sure that’s true. Ms. Brick looks affluent and poised in those pictures. I would argue that if you put any average woman in a great pair of heels and a multi-hundred dollar dress with some great highlights, and tell her to smile, some heads will turn. On the other hand, if you put a beautiful woman in sweats and a baggy t-shirt with no make up on, no one would look twice. We women need to be careful when comparing ourselves to others and must remember that who we are is more important than who we’re not.
Thursday, January 17/2013 at 11:43 am
I agree, Eva.
I also believe it is ridiculous how blondes are perceived as more beautiful, because I have long dark hair and it has never stopped me from getting attention. I’ve experimented with hair color in the past, but my hair is thick and naturally dark brown, almost black, with a reddish hue. Blondes can be very beautiful but dark hair is more of an “exotic” beauty. However, the perception of blonde women is that they are more fun and flirty, so I guess that carries over into the workplace sometimes.
I’m not sure that money is important to be beautiful, though. It certainly helps if one can afford the finer things in life, but personally, I stick with simple inexpensive products that work very well.
A Revlon lipstick is just as good as a Chanel lipstick, IMO. But you’re right…money can help with things like cosmetic surgery (if one desires that) or designer clothes. I believe that the more beautiful a woman is, the less “help” she needs with things like that. I feel pretty with or without makeup.
But my hair and nails have to look nice at all times, no matter what!
Saturday, January 19/2013 at 3:50 pm
I agree, so you dye your hair black and you get the job? Maybe it’s not because blondes are perceived as too beautiful but as too dumb!
Colour of your hair, skin, eyes don’t determine beauty.
I’ve seen butt ugly blondes and beautiful brunettes! and viceversa
Sunday, November 11/2012 at 4:17 pm
Ok so like it or not I have come to the conclusion that THERE IS A PRETTY PENALTY!!… Wait now hear me out and keep in mind this is CT thing. About 3 years ago was a 5’3″ 130lb Blond size 4 with DD’s. I have a pretty face speak 3 languages have a good education and try really hard to genuinely be likeable. That being said i had terrible luck with men wanting only sex and more importantly the worst time with female friends. I tried but girls hated me. I usually only managed to have one or two girl friends who would drop me the minute they got a boyfriend. ( Bait and switch anyone?) Granted I’ve always felt a bit awkward around people and my social skills are something I continue to work on. Then something happened I switched birth control and the puberty smack down happened all over my face. At the age of 26!!!!! You would be amazed at how differently people treated me. The first thing that I noticed is that men stopped wanting to be “friends” with me, stopped opening doors, saying nice things and in general most attractive men behaved completely differently. I’m not just talking about trying to hit on me. Yes some guys acted like i didn’t exist anymore but on the much more rare conversations when I did talk to a guy the conversation is totally different. For one thing when I expressed a political opinion or a well thought out argument men were not surprised. They did not try and “compliment”me by saying “I didn’t think you would be into politics?” or “Wow your really intelligent” with a confused surprised look on their faces. I never realized people (read men) were treating me like an idiot until they start treating me differently. Never the less back to the Penalty. i hate to say it but I have much better friends now. My girlfriends don’t drop me when they get a boyfriend and i get much less random bitchy clicky nonsense. I have been hired 2x at top ranking universities in the past 2 years by dressing even more down. ( baggy clothes and very little make up) Sure the lady in HR doesn’t complement me on my purse anymore or the cute heels I’m wearing .. But I got a call back and eventually the JOB!! I am 29 and i just now have been able to get this and the consequent stress weight under control. I used to think it was me that I was an outcast because of something I did or said that made most women hate me. I used to believe that there was some personality flaw that made quality men never view me as girlfriend material. Men want girlfriends they can show off to thier friends, the ugly truth is that if other women can make you socially undesirable you are not competition no matter how pretty you are. While the guy might try and sleep with you, he will never take you seriously if you don’t fit in with his social circle. So the bottom line is you have to decide when going into a new social or professional situation whether you want to make friends and make an impression as a person. Dress accordingly dress down! Even if you don’t love the way you look!! If your going out to a bar and want attention maybe get out that little black dress. Life is not fair and pretty girls have the edge but only if they know when to use it. Otherwise its a liability in new situations.
Monday, November 19/2012 at 1:34 pm
You’re right. Pretty women have an edge if they know how to use it. If I was devastatingly lovely then I would have used that to get a rich husband and riches for myself. Why not? That is the best use for that kind of beauty, to be honest. Get into the best social circles and take advantage.
Thursday, January 17/2013 at 11:29 am
@ Christina…there is a lot of truth in your statement. It is just really sad that people treat others a certain way because of looks/gender/race. And it is sad that women bully other women over things like this.
A beautiful woman shouldn’t have to downplay her beauty to make others feel more comfortable. I shouldn’t have to look dowdy so that some insecure person can feel better about herself. And some men will objectify a woman no matter what she is wearing.
Just yesterday I was running errands. I threw on some blue jeans, an old pullover, and wore very little makeup but that didn’t stop men from hitting on me left and right. And I still received a few dirty looks from other women.
If a pretty woman wants to wear nice shoes, she shouldn’t have to deal with rude comments about why she’s “all dressed up”. If a pretty woman combs her hair or puts on makeup, she shouldn’t have to deal with catty comments from others.
There is a saying in the Bible that tells people not to hide their light under a bushel. There is also a quote by author Marianne Williamson that tells people to be proud of who they are, because it isn’t right to “play small” so that somebody else’s insecurities will be appeased.
Tuesday, November 13/2012 at 9:00 am
Yeah I think this is true. She probably does get her fair share of hate, all women do. Thats how they operate with each other, its terrible. You can be flat out nice to another women and she will disrespect you or openly be rude. No, I dont think all women who have this problem are narcissist. You dont have to even be beautiful to have haters. We should let women speak for themselves since obviously the people who write these stories online dont have this problem or else they wouldnt be researching and studying it in the first place. This isnt exactly rocket science anyways, its been going on since the beginning of time.
Sunday, November 18/2012 at 6:41 pm
I think that the reason that alot of women feel jealous of beautiful women, is because we are constantly bombarted with photoshopped images on magazines and all sorts of media, saying that in order to look and feel beautiful we have to look like them. When in reality most of the women from the media look average without special make up and photoshop. Personally I do not find supermodels attractive or celebrities, I like curvy women with natural beauty. Not women that have fake this fake that. I don’t understand why people are obssesed with artificial beauty. Aslo my girlfriend gets upset at me because most men find me attractive, I have perfect skin and people think I have make up on, because my skin is naturally flawless. No, I am not an anorexic super model, I don’t need to wear hair extensions. I was born with a natural tan complextion, dark eyes, and dark brown soft hair. I am 36D size 10 in jeans 5’4, I am not fat, but I am not skinny, I have a very womenly body, I would never fall into the trap that I have to be 5’11 and be a size 0 that is sickly not sexy, the media wants us to think that is the way we should look. People lets appreciate real beauty, the one we see when we wake up in the morning.
Monday, November 19/2012 at 1:28 pm
I would say there are some women that do. But most women don’t. I know plenty of gorgeous women with friends! If the lovely female in question is a complete stuck up b***h trouble maker who poaches boyfriends or flirts, that’s what gets her the hatred from normal women.
Thursday, January 17/2013 at 11:13 am
@ elle…that is true. But what about pretty women who are nice to everyone and most people still treat them badly? I’m not stuck-up or a troublemaker, nor do I “poach” anyone’s boyfriend.
Women who flirt with men who are “taken” are disrespectful and it has nothing to do with looks, because I’ve seen the plainest women trying to flirt with my husband.
And if a woman wants to flirt (as long as it is with a single fellow and no one is being hurt), where is the harm in that? Beauty and youth are fleeting…there is nothing wrong with a pretty girl enjoying herself as long as she is kind to others.
Thursday, January 17/2013 at 11:42 am
Pretty women usually have a chip on there shoulders. They think everybody is attracted to them, and that all women are jealous of them. I get harrased by men everytime I go out and some women don’t like me; but that does not mean that I am bragging about it. I was born with a natural tan, which many people pay to have 36D natural, curvy booty, and I don’t feel that I am a model, or that thin women with no curves are jealous of me. Everyone is attracted to different things. I also don’t believe that all men want me, in fact I know that not all men are into tan women with curvy bodies. Everyone here is very conceided. Also, being plus sized does not make you uglier than a thinner women. I am not plus sized, but I have seen women size 14 that have not fat, they are just very curvy with a small waist,, just big butt and breast.
Thursday, January 17/2013 at 12:13 pm
@ Maria…I don’t know if your comment is directed at me, but I will dialogue with you anyway.
Most pretty women do not have a chip on their shoulders. If they do, it is because of the harassment and disrespect they face from others. Wouldn’t you be defensive if you were being treated badly or unfairly?
And you claim that you aren’t bragging, but you went on to describe yourself. You sound like a very beautiful woman, BTW…my looks are similar to yours.
The spelling is CONCEITED. If you intend to call people names, then spell it right. And there is nothing wrong with a woman believing she is beautiful, as long as she is kind to others. You’re not adding much to the conversation…simply coming here to insult people for no reason. Some of us have experienced people being mean because we’re pretty. Why is that so difficult to believe?
If a person is rude and mean, then I can see why no one would like her. But if one is sweet and pretty, what’s the problem?
I agree that everyone is attracted to different things. And you are right…being plus-sized doesn’t make a woman ugly. I’ve seen some very beautiful women who are size 14 and up. A lot of bigger girls have beautiful faces, while some skinny girls don’t. But some plus-sized women are unkind to thinner girls out of jealousy. Do you think that is fair? No one should be mean to anyone, whether they are black or white, young or old, straight or gay, male or female, fat or thin, tall or short, pretty or not so pretty.
Thursday, January 17/2013 at 3:49 pm
Number one, you don’t need to be correcting my spelling. I write pretty good english for someone that just learned the english language 3months ago. The reason that I describe the way I look is because alot of people consider me attractive, but I don’t go around thinking that I am better looking that everybody else. I am very humble, I don’t consider myself attractive, I am a regular person. I don’t even like when men stare at me, I am not a sex object. I don’t even think is logical for a women to feel intimated by me, I don’t flirt or anything of that nature. And I don’t use the way I look to get away with things. I don’t think that my complexion is hotter than people that are lighter skin than me. Nor I think that my boobies are better than someone with small breast. In fact I wish I had small ones. lol
Tuesday, January 22/2013 at 11:09 am
@Melinda
I hate that attitude. It’s part of the reason why there’s so much stupid competition between women. If girls flirt with “taken” men, the men should resist it. Otherwise, how can you trust him when he’s alone?
I’m not saying anything about you and your relationship, but I’ve seen countless relationships in which the women hated other women for being “flirty”(or just existing) when they should’ve instead questioned the men they’ve chosen.
I say if you have to keep him on a leash to make sure he won’t cheat, then he’s not worthy of you.
Tuesday, November 20/2012 at 5:47 am
I read Ms. Brick’s article as well, read many of the scathing comments directed at her and her looks and personally I will not comment on her looks or put her down because I believe it is simply a matter of all things being being relative. What she wrote however, every last bit of it, is something that I can identify with and it is real and it does happen. What I believe may be the case for her, is that she may be seen as a “triple threat” if you will, some people can tolerate you if you are beautiful but you are also seen as stupid, bitchy, plus size, or fall short in some way in their eyes. If you are perceived to “have it all” as in you are beautiful, fit, intelligent, warm, friendly, funny and not a boyfriend/husband stealing home wrecker most women see you as a complete threat and you will not be tolerated. If people feel that they can “one up” you or compete with you on some level and that there is something they can also bring to the table, they feel more comfortable around you and accept you as being more human and flawed but if you are someone whose “got it going on” in every aspect of life including having beauty, you will not be tolerated point blank. I know plenty of drop dead gorgeous plus size women with great personalities who have tons of female friends, but I also know drop dead gorgeous size 6 women with great personalities who barely have any female friends at all a few at best. The “flaw” so to speak, of being plus size is the great equalizer for many beautiful women but if and when they lose weight, they also lose many of their female friends because now the beauty she had all long is now coupled with a new hot body, and again it will not be tolerated. The “pretty penality” does exist and it is very accepted to hate on a beautiful woman. Some people see it as leveling the playing field and believe they have the right to do so and take it upon themselves to go out of their way to treat beautiful women like crap just because of their looks.
Sunday, November 25/2012 at 1:46 pm
I always considered myself average looking, but I had to take a lot of stick when I was a teenager from my ugly peers. I`m thankful that I wasn`t born beuatiful, because my lfe would have been intolerable if I had.
Thursday, January 17/2013 at 10:56 am
@ rahrah…I agree wholeheartedly. My cousin has always been a “plus-size” woman (rarely smaller than a size 14 or 16 at her lowest weight). There is a noticeable difference in how we’ve both been treated. She is beautiful, especially when she is dressed nicely and her makeup is done, but I’ve noticed that other women are more willing to be nice to her than they are to me. I’ve wondered if it is because she is an extrovert while I’m more on the reserved side, but I’m not sure. I think that some women feel more comfortable with a pretty woman if she is “full-figured” or heavy, as opposed to a pretty woman who is naturally slim with curves in all the right places.
I’ve always been thinner than she is. I was a size 0 at my smallest (but still had nice curves) and now I’m a size 8-10. My personality is even more sparkling than hers and I dare to say, at the risk of sounding conceited, my face is prettier than hers. She is more photogenic, though. This isn’t to put her down or say that she isn’t beautiful…because she is. But I find that beauty combined with a nice body (not necessarily stick-thin but certainly not fat) brings out the insecurities in some women. My cousin and I have always had a difficult relationship due to her jealousy. It’s funny because her life has been better than mine in many ways. I should be jealous of her because of the things she has, but I’m not.
She actually ran out of a restaurant once because her boyfriend at the time struck up a conversation with me and was simply asking general questions like if I knew so-and-so, where I went to school, etc. Later I found out that he’d told her I was pretty. I was only about 13 at the time, so it blew my mind to think that she could feel threatened by a child.
I guess because they don’t see an overweight/obese woman as a threat. When I started gaining weight because of depression and health issues, some people were quick to point it out and they took delight in it. I don’t understand people who delight in the misfortunes of others. They wanted to put me down because I wasn’t the thin, pretty girl anymore. I never did anything to them. But it was OK for them to be unkind to me because of the way I looked. So ridiculously unfair.
Like, you can’t tell a fat girl anything, but she can sit there and criticize you for being “skinny” (as one poster has done here…I won’t say names). A person with dark/tanned skin can say the most vile things about light-skinned women, but the reverse is not allowed. I understand that people are trying to level the playing field but that isn’t the way to do it.
Thursday, February 7/2013 at 9:01 am
@Melinda, you are absolutely right when you say that you can’t tell a plus size woman anything and that it is perfectly ok for them to criticize smaller women all they want, although I do understand where their defensive feelings comes from. The plus size woman regardless of how beautiful she may be is all too often put down, overlooked and made fun of so I “get it” but as you said, criticizing smaller or fit women women is not the way to level the playing field.
I find it incredibly sad that we women are always pitted against each other on the basis of looks, because truth is especially when it comes to beautiful women, it is not like she has much to do with her looks anyway. Sure many women work hard at trying to be more beautiful by using makeup, keeping fit, making sure no hair is out of place but many women are just born beautiful and don’t need to do much else except wake up and be stunningly beautiful, my point is why should women act like another woman’s beauty however they achieved it, is taking something away from them? Just as you said a grown woman was jealous of you and you were only a 13 year old child, how insecure can someone be, it’s not like you had much to do with you looks at that age. If people want to be mad at somebody because of their looks, then they need to take up the issue with that person’s parents who created them LOL.
Monday, November 26/2012 at 1:51 am
i can honestly say i haven’t got a single female friend,i’m in my 50′s now but have still kept my youthful looks. i’ve worked in factory’s since leaving school but always took pride in my appearance . i go out on my own now because the girls i used to go out with used to leave me on my own . it doesn’t bother me because i have a fantastic time . i meet lots of great people too. if people don’t like me for my looks then thats their problem
Thursday, December 20/2012 at 10:52 am
I posted a comment here earlier this year. Since then, something has happened which brought me back rudely to the reality of being judged based on my looks. I’m by no stretch of the imagination beautiful. I would say good-looking when all done up to the nines at best, but still with obvious flaws. But recently, at a workplace I was temping in, I met a lady who befriended me and I believed we were getting to be good friends. But she kept talking about looks, this beautiful friend or that or the time she did herself up and her ex was jealous of her etc etc. Then she happened to mention that one guy in our office who always avoided me had been instructed by his jealous wife to stay away from me (she had visited the office one time and seen me working with him). I didn’t take much of this seriously until something happened that greatly disappointed me. I was finishing up my work assignment there and I arranged for me and this lady to go out for dinner and get to know each other better. We exchanged numbers and I left. The day before the planned date I contacted her but got no reply. So I sent her another message, and then another. No reply to either, it was as though she had fallen off the planet. I found out from another work colleague that she wasn’t interested in seeing me. She had essentially blocked me from her life and didn’t have the guts to just tell me. This situation left me so bewildered and hurt that I’m now seriously over trying to make lady friends at work. They flat-out suck. Insincere, back-stabbing, jealous, insecure, vain bi***es. I’ve decided not to be apologetic about myself anymore; who cares if people think I’m stuck-up, I’m going to work the seX factor to the max and let the chips fall where they may. If a hot person has to put up with this sh*t every day just to make a living, they are entitled to the upside of the equation. Let women be jealous of us! I hope their eyes pop out and they have arguments with their spouses and ruin their sex life. I don’t care as I don’t have a sex life anyway, I’m just a lonely spinster who gets picked on by ugly but happily married women.
Friday, December 28/2012 at 3:22 am
My husband has all kinds of female coworkers. Perhaps, they may think that I’m jealous of them. My husband doesn’t socialize with them unless if I’m around. I feel so pressured… I just pretend that I enjoy being around them. My husband think I’m nice because I’m polite. He didn’t know that my feeling is in hell.
I hate gossip. That’s the bottom line of this. I prefer to stay by myself if I cannot integrate with straightforward ones.
Thursday, January 17/2013 at 10:14 am
@FeatherDuster…I bet that if we knew one another or worked together, we would be friends. I welcome friendships from all kinds of people as long as they are decent, kind individuals.
I’ve had similar incidents happen to me as well. My mother was extremely gorgeous as a young woman (and still is at 56 years old). She went to the dentist when she was much younger to have her teeth cleaned. She had a petite little frame, long dark hair, deep blue eyes, and an olive complexion. She was a former beauty queen in her youth.
The dentist’s wife worked in the same office as a receptionist. She took one look at my mother and immediately became jealous. She was very attractive too, but not as pretty as my mother, and she was a bit older. One day she accused my mother of being after her husband (the dentist) and my mother was shocked by the accusation, because she isn’t that type of woman.
This lady didn’t know anything about my mom…she simply saw a pretty girl with a sweet smile and a lovely personality, and felt insecure.
Now in a way I understand why she was insecure, because her husband was often unfaithful to her. But my mother isn’t one to play around with married men. She is a decent person. I guess that in your situation, it was kind of the same thing, like your story about the male coworker whose wife told him to stay away from you.
I’ve been in quite a few unpleasant situations myself, with being treated badly because of my looks. I am married but I don’t have issues with single women…unless they are flirting with my husband and it really doesn’t matter what they look like. I don’t respect that kind of behavior because it is low-class and disgraceful. I think it is rude for women to flirt with men that they know are in a relationship with somebody else.
But I have been in situations where some catty b*tch assumed that I wanted her boyfriend/husband (because he was looking at me). Instead of being mad at the guy, these women would be mad at me. I never understood it. Because I’m pretty? How is that my fault? Men will notice other females, pretty or not, and I don’t like unwanted attention because I’m shy. I can’t help it if some guy stares at me in front of his wife or girlfriend. I’m not flirting or encouraging them to look at me…they just do. I’m sure that happens to you, too.
And I agree…I don’t think it is right for pretty women to be mean to plain or ugly women, and they shouldn’t be mean to us either. The way a person looks is more about genetics than anything else. It is pure luck if a person is blessed with beauty, although some people have to work hard at being beautiful. No one should be treated poorly no matter what they look like. It is ATTITUDE and ACTIONS that matter.
I believe that if some insecure woman is unkind to you because you happen to be pretty (or prettier than she is), you should kill her with kindness. Smile broadly showing all your teeth and continue to strut your stuff. Don’t sink down to the level of jealous, angry people who want to hurt others.
Also…have you ever experienced jealousy from other beautiful women? I certainly have.
Monday, January 28/2013 at 3:14 pm
I once lived in a hostel for teenage girls, & you couldn`t pssibly meet a bitchier crowd if you tried. They gave me stick over having frizzy hair, being overweight, & having spots. well duh, I was an adolescent, what could they expect? I mean, It wasn`t as if they were beauty queens, most of them could barely rate as average with all their make-up & best gear on, so where did they get off critisising me! There was also the warden, who couldn`t keep his hands off me, & was constantly going on about what great legs I had, & how I was asking for trouble wearing such short skirts, what a moron! I was all too aware of what was going on, the other girls were jealous because compared with them, I was hot, & the warden knew it. One day I decided that I couldn`t stand it any more & ran away. Most of my adult life continued like that, bitchy women, & men only wanting me for sex. I`m now past the age for all that, & I`m glad to be free of it all!
Thursday, January 17/2013 at 10:26 am
@ Kim…same here. I had a few female friends when I was younger, but it is very difficult to meet other girls/women who aren’t catty and competitive. I know some people will disagree with me, but it’s true.
I believe that a lot of women feel insecure, threatened, and uncomfortable in the presence of a woman who “shines” somehow…whether it is because of personality or wit or beauty or something else.
I’m not talking about a conceited, stuck-up woman. I mean the type of woman who simply has something about her, some quality that can’t be defined. And if she is beautiful on the outside too? It really bothers some women a LOT (and some insecure men).
Thursday, December 20/2012 at 11:32 am
HA,HA,HA. Supermodels are not gorgeous, most of them are super tall, lanky and have a boyish figure. I don’t understand why would someone with no boobies, no ass, and no hips be considered extremely gorgeous. Guess people are attracted more to boyish types. MOST MODELS ARE ALWAYS DONE UP, FAKE TANS, FAKE HAIR, FAKE NAILS, FAKE EYECOLOR, HOW CAN ARTIFICIAL BEAUTY BE MORE ATTRACTIVE THAN REAL BEAUTY. THIS WORLD IS SENDING A WRONG MESSAGE TO YOUNG GIRLS AND WOMEN, THAN IN ORDER TO BE CONSIDERED HOT, YOU HAVE TO LOOK ARTIFICIAL AND HAVE FAKE THINGS ON YOUR BODY.
Wednesday, December 26/2012 at 11:10 pm
She shouldn’t have used herself as an example but her argument still stands.
Beautiful women have their own problems too.
Friday, December 28/2012 at 3:06 am
I’m going to tell you what I have seen or observed in my whole life. I’m now 31 year old. However, Brick is an average woman when it comes to beauty. She is really fine. If I compare her to pretty women who I have seen/met, she is not pretty as them. Perhaps, women who she thought were jealous of her, were may be less prettier than her. Or she has a crazy friend in her mind. On the other hand, I don’t think that all of her friends were crazy or jealousy over her.
I had a professor, who was a super hot and pretty woman. Her eyes were so beautiful and she had a good body form. I’m not exaggerating it. If you’d like to see her, you can email me. She never wear any make up… She was really a beautiful woman I ever seen. Still, some students(minorities) would immediately jumping into a conclusion that our professor had a large chip in her shoulder. I couldn’t relate to their mentality, as I did well in her math class and I’m a minority too. These students who accused our professor being a racist wouldn’t be a fact. I passed her class with an A even though I couldn’t type a correct grammar.
Second female I saw, was my colleague. She was also a stunning beautiful lady. Very pretty young lady who didn’t wear any make up at all.
My friends are mixed of pretty and average people. One of them disconnected her friendship with me, and other specific women we acquainted with. She thought that I/we was/were going to steal her husband. I couldn’t wrap my head around thinking about it. I didn’t know why she accused me right in my face when I didn’t even meet her spouse. I thought that she was joking, or kidding. She knows that I married a man who is highly educated, tall and husky, handsome, funny, and highly intelligent. He totally stomped her husband physically and occupationally-Probably, I’m biased on this. In my eyes, my husband is way up there compared to a midget guy. I don’t hate him. The girls told me so. They thought it was hilarious when they found out what had happened.
To cut a long story short, my husband wondered why I’m not with that lady anymore. I told him that she went crazy on me for no good reason. O_0 He thought that she had a problem psychologically.
Flowers, dinners, and drinks? I got them all. I never thought that they had something to do with my beauty. I thought that those men just want to unzip my pants. Wink*wink* Again, this is another phenomenon. Let’s move on to the next paragraph.
Perhaps, I should inflate my ego because of such nice things happened in my life. I don’t think that people steal my husband…Haha.. Go ahead and have my husband and I will find out if he will be mine.
I don’t talk about drinks, flowers, and dinners around my friends. I think that it’s unnecessary unless they will ask me.
Sunday, January 6/2013 at 8:17 am
dear author, thank you for the candid info you spilled on super-lonely supermodels, you would not believe how kind of you that was
Tuesday, January 8/2013 at 1:34 pm
I have been a good person, nice to female friends that were unattractive. I have modeled and done some acting gigs, however; in the past a secretary. Yet, so much energy to prove my intelligence. It is only negative feedback from women that feel threated by me. Its best to back away from negative people. I just hung out with an old female friend, was uplifting, cooked for her. Very supportive, yet she was constantly giving me put downs and even if she is a mess, overweight, unattractive she kept saying how beautiful she is. The minute i got sick of her putting me down. She was hurt. I said im beautiful. I dont have to chase men on dating sites like she does. So my point is. I will only hang arround attractive intelligent women and stay away from unattractive overweight women. That try to bring me down. There is no more to prove, nothing left but to avoid drama.
Thursday, January 10/2013 at 1:06 pm
not all thin women are attractive and not all overweight women are ugly from the face. Someone can be a little overweight and have stunning looking face, and there could be a fit women and have a butt ugly face. lol.
Friday, January 11/2013 at 12:30 am
Not all unattractive women are fat and ugly. It comes in all shapes.
Friday, January 11/2013 at 12:35 am
When I’m in good mood, everybody is pretty and handsome! When I have a shitty day, everybody is ugly!
So, your beauty depends on my mood.
Friday, January 11/2013 at 1:52 pm
that is what I mean. Seams like you didn’t read my response correctly. Alot of people here, thinks that being thin equals beauty. When I have seen curvy women, and overweight women with stunning features.
Wednesday, January 9/2013 at 12:01 pm
Lets all be honest. The blonde lady above is really ugly. I have a models face and proportions that girls would kill for. Yes, 100% women treat me poorly because I am always the prettiest girl. Whenever I enter a room everyone stares then the ugly stares begin. Now I dress like a lady and act like one too. It is not until I introduce myself and make a strong point that I have a boyfriend are women nice. Its even worse if I am at the beach. Women will walk clear around me as to not be near me. When I make an unattractive friend she dwells on her looks way too much and I have to constantly remind her beauty comes from the inside. Point is, women are insecure around attractive women. However men are the same. Most men are way to scared to conversate with me or talk to me and if they do they shut down and start stuttering. Being pretty does nothing for you, I would say it does the opposite. People judge me, are rude, mean and not polite. The only kind people are people that are not jealous and those are girls who are attractive as well. So if you wonder why a pretty girl doesnt want to socialize with you its probably because she doesnt want to have people be mean to her for no reason. Im pretty, Im nice and Im kind and if you were unattractive I wouldnt care. I dont judge people by their looks on how they might behave. Dont be insecure, everyone is the same and even if a girl is gorgeous and your not there is probably one thing about you that she would be jealous about (whether its your skin tone, eyelash length or your freckles). All that matters is your personality. Remember that.
Wednesday, January 9/2013 at 1:55 pm
this is very true. i have the same problem. Its best to try to ignore negative people, and shake it off like a grain of salt. Life is too short.
Wednesday, January 9/2013 at 2:58 pm
Aand what exactly is a models face ? Now adays models have different looks. You sound very conceided and think everybody wants you. Not everyone is attracted to the same look.
Thursday, January 10/2013 at 10:09 am
You sound very conceided and that makes you very unattractive. And you say you have a models face, lol. Models just don’t have a certain type of face, now they come in different colors and sizes, plus I find plus size models way more attractive and sexier. Curves are sexy, skinny is not. being skinny with big fake boobs is not being curvy. I bet you have a fake tan.
Friday, January 11/2013 at 12:42 am
Maria,
What if a person has an eating disorder, not from body image issues.
You have a problem with skinny people? How many skinny people in your neighborhood, or workplaces? They bother you a lot? You’re an expert on boobies? What do you know about them being skinny?
The study revealed that many women suffered from eating disorder whether fat or skinny.
Do you know what is an eating disorder? Do you think that it’s a joke?
Shame on you!
Friday, January 11/2013 at 1:54 pm
I am not against thin people. I am against women that think because they are a size 0 they are better looking than everyone. When In reality men are more attracted to curvier body forms.
Thursday, January 10/2013 at 8:23 pm
I was born with a natural tan complextion, that people pay to have, and I don’t go bragging about how pale white are jealous of me. I don’t feel that pale people should be jealous of me. Girl that is all in your head, nobody is jealous of you. You sound very insecure and intimidated by your own looks.
Friday, January 11/2013 at 1:05 am
Being born from white, tan, or whatever doesn’t make you exceptional. Take an advanced biology class, so you get to know who are the people you’re bashing.
Get over with your twisted perception.
Don’t you realize it that we are fighting over silly things who is attractive whether chubby or skinny.
Guess what. There are about 7 billions of people in this Earth and you will never win your case.
We all have different
Friday, January 11/2013 at 1:57 pm
That wasn’t my point. I dont feel better than anyone else about my complextion. But alot of women here do, saying that women are jealous of them because of there looks. I am 34D Natural, have hips and a round booty, dark hair and eyes. And I don’t feel I have to put other women down because of it.
Thursday, January 10/2013 at 3:51 pm
I don’t agree with a lot of the reasons men are attracted to a woman.
Here is some reasons….
I am constantly being hit on by men no matter how I dress.
I don’t usually smile much because I don’t want to appear easy to approach.
I don’t go to bars or clubs.
Other women are intimidated by my looks.
I’m not looking for a husband….I’ve been married since just out of High School.
My mom had the same problem as did my grandmother.
Some women have much appeal besides their looks.
It’s just a plus when you have a combination of many of these attributes. Of course, it can be a negative thing as well if you are disgusted by unwanted attention & glared at by insecure females.
Who needs them anyway? True friends care for you no matter what your appearance is.
Always hold your head high!!…….you should never feel bad for looking good. Just act like the lady you are. Men are actually turned-off by women who are constantly putting others down…..VERY UNATTRACTIVE!!
Thursday, January 10/2013 at 8:03 pm
And just because you say you are attractive, does not mean that the whole world finds you attractive. Beauty is subjective not everybody finds the same things hot or attractive. What I might find hot and sexy, you might find average and plain and vice versa.
Thursday, January 10/2013 at 8:07 pm
Maria, I’ve removed your latest comment as we need to keep things civil. It’s okay to disagree with other commenters but I can’t publish insults.
Tuesday, January 15/2013 at 3:47 pm
But, Maria…you’ve just proved her point. She didn’t say that she is the most beautiful woman in the world. She said that men hit on her constantly and women are often mean to her. And yes, this happens to women who are deemed a “threat” in any way, whether it is because they are good-looking or something else. Maybe there is just something about her that others are drawn to.
And I agree, Maria, that beauty is subjective…but like I said, you proved her point.
She is sharing her experiences and saying that everyone should be treated with respect, no matter what they look like. You felt the need to tell her this: “just because you say you are attractive, does not mean that the whole world finds you attractive”. Where did she say that the whole world finds her attractive? She was simply sharing her experience as a woman who is considered attractive (maybe where she lives) and what it’s like for her.
Pretty women should not be made to feel ashamed of who they are…neither should less attractive women. I can relate to what Deborah said because I’ve been in that situation many times. Being hit on by creepy men, receiving unwanted attention, harassment, stalking, and other women being very unkind because they see me as a “threat” for some apparent reason.
I’m not conceited in any way, but all of this has happened to me. I wouldn’t call myself gorgeous but I know I’m a very pretty woman and I look about 10 years younger than my actual age. I’ve been through a lot in my life because of other people’s ignorance and jealousy. So we’re not all making this up…it does happen.
What truly makes a person beautiful is who they are on the inside, the way they treat others and what’s in their heart/mind.
Wednesday, January 16/2013 at 5:37 am
I was hoping this wouldn’t disintegrate into a bitch-slapping session. We are all here to support each other after all. As Melinda says, there is no need to feel threatened by each other since we all have something special to offer; we all have our own unique beauty. I think it’s fair to say all the posters to this thread are beautiful since you all came here… I’m hoping to start a support group online for this sort of thing. There are many more isolated beautiful women out there and they need a caring, listening ear. Please think about this, friends.
Thursday, January 17/2013 at 9:32 am
Thanks for your kind words, FeatherDuster…I completely agree. That is a lovely post.
It bothers me to see some women accusing others of being vain and conceited simply for stating that they are pretty. Are some beautiful women vain and conceited? Most definitely! But this doesn’t apply to all. And there is nothing wrong with looking/feeling beautiful as long as the inside is beautiful, too.
I’ve been on both sides of the fence. I’ve had times where I wasn’t so pretty and I’ve also had times where I was strikingly beautiful and other people let me know it, by their reactions. Above all, no matter what I look like, I try to treat others the way I want to be treated…with kindness and respect.
So what I believe is that, if one is good-looking, be proud of it…without treating others badly. And if one isn’t good-looking, be proud of who you are as well, and don’t be unkind or envious.
Sunday, January 20/2013 at 6:51 pm
I was wondering what kind of foundation women wear to achieve a perfect look. I see alot of women with such perfect make up, they look as if they have been photoshopped. Poreless, no blemishes, what kind of foundation they are wearing. Also, I can find a shade that matches my skin tone, even when I go to macy’s even they have a hard time, finding the right color for me…
Thursday, February 14/2013 at 9:43 am
Merle Norman compact it’s thick put on with a round sponge. It comes in a black case and you have to go in the store to buy it. $34
Tuesday, January 22/2013 at 10:26 am
It’s like you said, attractiveness is largely based on energy/attitude. So, no, I would not immediately assume she’s deluded, despite the fact that she’s not physically gorgeous.
And,besides, she’s probably talking about the experiences she’s had up to her life at this point, so you have to consider the fact that she was younger and prettier at some point..that being said, I don’t think beautiful women are automatically discriminated. A lot depends on that woman’s attitude.
I’ve known some really gorgeous women that I wasn’t the least bit threatened by, because they carried themselves with so much dignity that I was sure they weren’t the types to use men and manipulate themselves to a better position(at the job, or at any place in life..).
There are some women who, despite being beautiful, do not get so caught up in their self-image and really have other interests in life..they also generally act like they don’t care much about being gorgeous, in the first place. Which makes it easy for you to see their personality, and relate to them.
The “open, smiley” types are probably the ones that raise the most resentment from other women, not necessarily based on their physical assets, but their attitude. I’ve known quite a few, and they’re the types who are used to manipulating others(especially guys) to get what they want, they’re the types that lead men on to reach some objective, then drop them, they’re also less likely to be able to say “no” if a guy makes his moves. They’re “players”, so seem not to be trusted.
That being said, I’m afraid that women do resent other good-looking women, 90% of the time, and it’s mainly based on the way they’re raised, meaning, to believe that a woman’s worth is mainly based on her attractiveness, instead of “deeper” qualities.
It’s actually funny you mentioned the resume thing. I sent hundreds of resumes out, and the only two interviews I got called to were to companies where the human resources guy who canted me was, well..a guy.lol
Friday, March 15/2013 at 11:17 am
Not only do many beautiful women have other interests, but not all beautiful women have the easy lives many people assume they have. Some people go so far out of their way to take a beautiful woman and try to “knock her down a peg or two” because they assume she has an easy life and now needs a dose of reality and they will be the one to give it to her. Little do they know there are beautiful women who are fighting cancer, who might be addicted to drugs, who are poor as paupers, who are being physically abused and who are experiencing everything else in life that everybody else is. People are so quick to make assumptions about other people and yet have never said two words to them, but they know so much about them all based on what they look, as if that make any sense.
Personally I never understood jealousy and envy as it always seemed completely futile. No matter how beautiful a woman is, the fact is no matter how much someone hates her for being beautiful, she is still going to walk away from their exchange or encounter still being her incredibly beautiful self and they are going to still walk away looking how they look. It does me no good whatsoever to be catty and bitchy with a woman who works out 5 days a week and has a body that reflects her hard work while I sit on my butt and get bigger, there is no need for me to hate her, because it won’t help me in the least, but maybe getting up and working out myself might be the thing to help me, not hating her. Major sigh, when oh when will we women learn.
Another person’s victory is not your defeat.
Friday, March 15/2013 at 11:19 am
Meant “based on what they look like”
Thursday, March 14/2013 at 11:26 am
Yes, pretty women do have to deal with hatred of some form or the other. It’s not narcissistic to admit to it but I know that I can never talk to any of my friends about it. The only one I’ve discussed this with is my dad, who was a very good-looking man in his youth and he told me that men used to lie about him to women who’d ask about him. I’ve lost most of my friends recently because earlier I used to dress down and let myself be the butt of all jokes in social situations. Privately, my friends would talk to me about their insecurities with their looks so I used to let them joke about me in public, thinking it’s just their way of getting some attention. But then I realized that they were passing off their jokes as the truth behind my back and saying other nasty stuff about me to men who showed an interest in me. So I started cracking jokes back and dressing up when we went out. I noticed that my friends would wait for me to dress up and then dress accordingly. Earlier thered be a fight to use the bathroom first, but after this, theyd pester me to go get ready first. Andsoon I was told that I had changed..for the worse. I don’t hang with them anymore.
Also, I noticed that if a woman’s bf/hubby said I looked nice it would be followed by immediate character assassination. Now I mostly stay away from women snd ignore them. But once in a while some male friend of mine will point out sn unknoen scowling female staring daggers at me while I’m shopping or just hanging out.
Sadly, I think I starting to hate women.
Monday, March 25/2013 at 5:52 pm
While I am not a knockout and am terribly UN-photogenic, I get a lot of flack from my female counterparts in my social circle. The husbands always try to be more charming to me than they are to their wives. I don’t find it flattering at all.
In public spaces, I seem to get a lot of attention as well. Without bothering to find out if I’m married, I have had men buy a round of drinks for me and my friends for the chance to talk to me.
I’ve got a bit of a stress paunch and find it hard to find a good fit in pants because of it. So, I live in modest, casual dresses, many of which these women claim are dressy. Even in a t-shirt and jeans, I can’t win for losing.
The thing that was most interesting to find was a movie called “Malena” with her as the lead and guess what the recurrent theme was? Being coveted by men and envied by women, to the point of being raped, exploited, and reviled. Only when she dressed in drab clothing did she get redemption.
rahrah hit the nail on the head! If you are a beautiful woman with children, it’s worse. If they can’t take their envy out on you, they’ll do it through the kids.
Sunday, May 12/2013 at 8:46 pm
I’d like to respond to Malena’s points above. First of all, I also don’t like it when men are really overly charming to me. It immediately drives a divide between me and their women, permanently. I’m made to feel like I’ve done something wrong, even if I’m dressed demurely. I even point blank asked a woman once what I had done to make her act so mean towards me and she simply answered, “You were born.” So now I stay home and don’t go out at all and I even refuse to work in office settings anymore which has cut down my job prospects. (If there was a pension for hot chicks, I’d be on it).
Secondly, I think it’s sad, but men seem to think if you have curves in the right places and you wear anything but nun’s clothing, that you’re promiscuous and/or a bimbo. Breasts = bimbo it sometimes feels. It’s annoying when I walk into a supermarket and there’s this girl coming out of there who’s younger and thinner than me, with a face to die for, yet she gives ME a dirty look just because I happen to be more endowed than her. I feel bad enough about my looks and to have someone I envy being envious of me just seems ridiculous! Why can’t we all appreciate our unique gifts? There is a man/woman out there for all of us. Someone who will like what we’ve got to offer.
Finally, I wanted to comment on this movie you mention, Malena, because I have watched it and cried so much for what this poor woman had to suffer. The dramatic irony of it hits me with more ugly force as I get older and people become less compassionate and tolerant. I think I escaped the worst of it when I was young because nobody feels good harassing someone who might be underage. But it sucks to be stuck in a world where you’re not hot enough to make a living by modelling and not plain enough to fit into the working world of women who really run the whole show in my opinion.
Sorry if this post is too long. Feels great to get this off my chest!
Wednesday, May 15/2013 at 7:39 pm
HerDaughter, not long at all.
This set of lines hit home for me, “The dramatic irony of it hits me with more ugly force as I get older and people become less compassionate and tolerant. I think I escaped the worst of it when I was young because nobody feels good harassing someone who might be underage. ”
When I was a little girl and even as a middle schooler, I was praised for my beauty and talent. Women couldn’t get enough of me and delighted in everything I did. “How cute!” “What a smart girl!” “Precious!” They couldn’t pump me up enough.
As I reached high school, older women would often make snide remarks or try to downgrade my looks or talent to keep me in my place. Who knows what that place was.
In bars, which I have only frequented for business events, I have had women purposefully pour drinks down my back, elbow me in the gut, or otherwise, try to get me riled up. I have practiced a very wide-eyed innocent look, quipped, “Oh, my, that was quite a shock!” If elbowed, I rubbed their elbow and ask, “Are you okay? That was a pretty hard hit.”
The two girls (only maturity warrants the label of women in my book) who poured drinks on my back thought it was funny. In one instance, the male friend asked if I was okay. I laughed and said, “Oh, yeah, it was refreshing!”
In the other instance, which was the first time, I did not really know what to do.
HerDaughter, I don’t know what makes these women think it is okay to be so rude but I once asked a woman what I had done to offend her and she said, “You exist.”
I hear you on the weird envy from younger women. I’m close to 50 and a 20 year old tried to pick a fight with me because the man she was with was ogling me and I only found out because she made me aware of it.