By popular request! Your MTV Movie Awards beauty snark (and lots of snarking there is!)

Eeks! You guys really let me have it. I threw up a quick and dirty photo gallery of the MTV Movie Awards yesterday (they took place Sunday night) so that y’all could get your fix of pix without having to wait until today for my usual rambling snark post. (Because, you know, I’ve been going insane trying to resolve all the annoying technical glitches with this new redesign. Pass.The.Wrinkle.Cream.)

Anyway. Turns out you really, REALLY missed the snark post.

Okay! I hear you. Let’s not panic. They were never going away. Mommy is here now with the soothing snark you know and (apparently) love. So let’s dive in with my thoughts on the best and worst of the night. Plus the looks I just can’t be bothered with either way…

THE BEST

Emma Stone

Well, duh. I feel a little guilty because I always, always pick her… but I can’t help it. She just GETS IT. Here, there is liquid liner and A Lip, but see how they’re perfectly in balance? (Just wait until you scroll down to see Leighton Meester, and you’ll know how it looks when they are NOT.) I’m even coming around to the blonde hair now… I think it just needs her to wear lip colour at all time. If you’d like to get this look, check out the how-to, which gives a complete list of prodz the makeup artist used.

Jessica Biel

Is it just me is or is Jess looking the best she’s ever looked lately? Maybe it’s that she’s finally snagged Justin and isn’t so damned stressed. (Can you imagine being that guy’s girlfriend? Shudder.) Anyway, I just love the simplicity of this. Smooth, loose, all-one-colour hair with gorgeously thick bangs. And barely any makeup except that pretty pale pink on the lips! Her lips are so nicely shaped that she really doesn’t require much. Do you think she injects? I’ve always wondered.

Charlize Theron

Hot damn, Charlize is seksi. She just gets better and better with age. And really has the whole bronzey eyeshadow thing down pat. It’s kind of her signature at this point. This is a great example of monochromatic makeup, with the tones on the eyes and cheeks and lips all harmonizing nicely together. Love the swingy hair too.

Victoria Justice

I don’t know that much about Victoria Justice, but I do know that she makes me want to have chestnut hair so that I can wear a berry lip and flushed cheeks. I really like this makeup, a lot. Only nit-pick is that the hair looks a bit product-heavy and could use some separating.

Ellie Kemper

It’s probably my red hair fetish, but I’m a huge fan of Ellie’s look. Not much to say except that I think she looks real cute here… again, makeup is really, REALLY minimal with just a hint of pink on the lips and cheeks. The focus is on the subtle fringe of lashes.

Kate Beckinsale

Does Kate B. ever look bad? This piece has some sick genes, yo. I’m really obsessed with her mouth. Look at it! Also, there is possibly an eyeshadow situation (needs blending?), but could just be the angle.

Christina Ricci

I don’t know if I’ve ever given Christina any love on this blog. Maybe because she kind of always looks the same. But here, it’s in a good way, right? There’s something about her round face that I dig. And she really does know what kind of makeup and hair suits her. She wears it instead of it wearing her, if you know what I mean.

Elizabeth Banks

Okay, yes, the shine is a problem. Blotting papers, Elizabeth! Blotting papers. But other than that, this is cute. Not many people besides Jennifer Lopez can pull off that severe high bun, but Elizabeth wears it well. Great eyeliner too.

Nikki Reed

Bad facial expression but good hair. It’s great when celebs get out of their comfort zone with stuff like this and it works. The texture and colour is great for Nikki. And you’ve gotta love those full brows! (Keep reading for examples of why I say that.)

THE WORST

Shailene Woodley

Good grief! When I say that I like minimal makeup, I don’t mean NO makeup. With this hair—WTF is up with the hair?!—it looks like Shailene just woke up and decided “Oh, I think I’ll go to the MTV Movie Awards!” Where are her people??

Leighton Meester

Why oh why has Leighton fallen from grace lately? It makes me so sad because Blair is so much better than Serena. Here, she is going for the “suburban mom” look (no offense to suburban moms) with hair that looks like she didn’t even TRY. And the makeup, well, that looks like she tried a bit too hard. I like the lip colour but it did NOT need the matchy-matchy shadow on the lids. And the liquid liner is way too heavy for my tastes.

Jenna Dewan

Oh dear. Sorry Jenna, but this looks like a 3am mug shot. PLEASE don’t over-tweeze your eyebrows, girls. I’m also detecting a filler situation in the cheeks and lips. Why, Jenna, whhhhhy? You were so cute in that Step Up movie with your hubs.

THE MUSHY MIDDLE

Emma Watson

You know, I thought I liked this at first—because I always tend to like Emma’s tomboyish thing—but I’m having second thoughts. The eye makeup is great, but the hair is… not great. She’s not the kind of girl that’s going to look right with some overly styled, voluminous thing, but this just needs SOMETHING. But I feel for her—growing out a short cut is probably beauty hell.

Kristen Stewart

I don’t know if I can be bothered to care anymore about K-Stew. At least she’s smiling here, although still the definition of awkward. I’m not opposed to this wild mane of side-swept hair, but I’m not itching to copy it myself either. (Bit messy.) And I think she’s possibly wearing too much eyeshadow.

Lucy Hale

Another celeb I can’t love or hate. I suppose she’s cute, but what IS it about this? Too much tan? Too precisely arched eyebrows? I can’t put my finger on it, but it’s missing that element of careful, natural beauty that makes me love the likes of Emma Stone, for example. Not to be mean or anything.

Mila Kunis

And speaking of mean, I guess I’m extra mean to put Mila in this category. But I was honestly surprised to see this photo. Could just be a bad angle, but something is… off. Any thoughts?

Oh, and the Hilton sisters were there, but it kind of pains me to talk about them… so if you must see go check out the gallery.

Tell me:

Who had your favourite hair and makeup of the night?
Surely you agree that Shailene was the worst of the bunch… yes? No?
If you had to wear one of these looks in real life, which one would you go for? For me it’s a toss-up between The Emma (S.) and The Charlize…